Teaching a Moron.

Stuck with my plan to take Friday and Saturday off. This gave me the opportunity to show my dad a new workout. Long overdue. It went a lot better than anticipated. Though, my dad STILL has issues hearing me. Maybe his hearing is just going. Ha ha. My parents say I talk too fast. Guess what: Nobody else has problems understanding me. I can talk slow as can be, my dad still doesn’t understand what I’m saying. It’s kind of funny.

My goal with this workout is twofold. One: Make it easy to accomplish. Two: Make it so it’s impossible to screw up. Three: If he does screw up, he won’t hurt himself.

I told him to keep track of his workouts. Write them down. Actually, I told him this months ago. As in, last August. He still hasn’t. He never listened to a word a say. *shrugs*

DB Reverse Lunge: 3×8 @ 5 lbs

Superset A
DB Shoulder Press: 3×8 @ 20 lbs
BB Bent-over Row: 3×8 @ 70 lbs

Superset B
Chins: 2, 1, 1 @ BW
Dips: 1, 1, F @ BW

Superset C
Cable Crunch: 3×8 @ 80 lbs
High-to-Low Woodchopper: 3×8 @ 40 lbs

I had him start with a quick warm-up set of 10 BW squats. I always start all my leg lifts with 10 BW squats. Believe it or not, those ten have gotten a LOT easier over time. Moreover, warm-ups are important.

I had a hunch that DB front squats would force him to be more upright. He tends to let his arms dangle down, causing his scapula to protract forward. With it, his back rounds. I had to remind him twice to open up his footing. I swear, I thought I told him enough times to open up his stance. He never listens to me. Anyway, his form was a lot better than I expected. He could move more weight, but I’d rather he keep the weight light and just get more flexible by staying more upright.

I noticed with his lunges that he pretty much flies forward haphazardly. I thought over time he’d slow down a little and get better, but that hasn’t happened. I had him hold dumbbells because otherwise he flings his arms out, and otherwise looks like a moron. I’m serious. I told him two things: Go slow and stay upright. I think it’s a little bit easier to stay stable when doing reverse lunges, since your front legs are what bring you back to standing, and they don’t move.

He started by putting the weight too far forward when I showed him DB shoulder press. But he corrected himself quickly and otherwise did the sets with decent form. He thought 20 lbs would be too heavy. …I swear, he’s such a weenie. He has no spirit, no pride. Cliff and I like talking about how spineless our dads are. I told him that if it’s too heavy, then we’d lower the weight. Fancy that, he completed all the sets.

Same thing with the bent-over rows. He thought it would be too heavy. I told him if it’s too heavy, we’d lower the weight. Even though my dad has been doing romanian deadlifts for too short a range of motion, they paid off. When I showed him bent-over rows last May, he turned it into an upright row. Complete lack of hamstring flexibility. He was able to get into the bent-over position, hold his back neutral relatively easily. Obviously rowing the weight was easy. And he finished all the sets.

I decided to get him doing chins`n`dips. Chins will progress slowly. But dips, I remember my dips grew faster than I expected.

As for the last superset, everybody likes working their abs. It’s a good finisher. When I put 80 lbs for cable crunch, he said, “That’s too heavy!” What a weenie. He did it just fine, even saying, “Hey, this is kind of easy.” I can able crunch 120 lbs. Ha ha. I’m sure I’ll be able to do more as I gain weight, unless I hold a dumbbell between my knees to help hold me down. ..Dude, I should do that. He struggled a little with woodchoppers. I had to remind him to keep his arms straight. I figured hitting his obliques couldn’t hurt.

And afterwards, I had him stretch. I swear, if you stretch after every workout, you get more flexible. Now I don’t need major flexibility, but the fact that I can touch the floor at random speaks for itself. My dad was confused, as he always thought you should stretch before you work out. Actually, stretching before you lift increases your chances of injury. Those ligaments are what keep your joints in place. If they’re loose before you lift, that’s a BAD thing. Not that tight ligaments are good, either. All the stretch they need is a dynamic stretch – those bodyweight squats put my joints through all the range of motion that they’ll need.

Plus, I seriously feel better after I stretch post-workout. MY GROIN IS GETTING MORE FLEXIBLE! YAY!

I actually have a progression in mind. If he can EVER squat with decent form, I’ll have him add weight. He has no legs, I swear, they’re really scrawny. While it may seem counterintuitive, I’d probably have him BB front squat after that. I can already see him turning a back squat into a Good Morning. He’ll while and complain about the front squat grip, but I know how to fix that. Stand with a heavy weight on your shoulders that forced you to let it stay on your shoulders. Hell, if he can’t get the grip down, I’ll have him do Zombie Squats. That’s a front squat where you just hold the bar on your shoulders with your arms out straight. The point of doing front squats is that it forced you to stay upright. If he can make progress doing front squats, the transition to back squats will be easy as pie. I won’t touch deadlifts until he gets his flexibility down. Maybe I should have Mahler fly in pull 405 lbs, just to show my dad that age doesn’t mean you slow down.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

As for me, I did a quick warm-up set of squats, just 10 @ 135 lbs. Nice and slow, full depth. I thought I’d bask in the fact that a year ago, that would have felt heavy. I started doing push-ups, but then remembered that I hate doing push-ups. Ha ha.

I’m really excited about hitting the gym on Monday. The next four weeks of lifting should be a lot of fun.