Sunday Monday Tuesday Assessment.

The phrase “emotionally dynamic” continues to be a phrase I enjoy. My primary emotional preoccupation has been slowly fading in the past couple of days. I rightfully think I’m not going to bother her in a while. If I have something to say, I say it. And I know that with enough space and time, she’ll pester me out of the blue. As it’s been. I have to stay stable, and I know she has shit to deal with. So. Seems the best way to push her to the background of my mind.

I’m still greatly amused, and just slightly shocked, at how social this past week has been. I didn’t even know I knew this many people! What the hell did I do last Wednesday? OH RIGHt, CLASS. I think last Tuesday night was the last night I got a full night’s sleep. Maybe I got sleep Wednesday night, but I have an 8 AM class Thursday morning. Thursday night, hung out with Erik, Trent, and Liz. D&D is a lot of fun. I like the joke, “We should totally write a program that automates all of this!” Hrm. I should have gotten adequate sleep that night, but I clearly don’t remember it like that. I mean, I THINK I got sleep, as I was rested for work…

Friday night, I cried for like two hours because a girl didn’t call me. True story. Okay, it wasn’t two hours straight. And I was being a little emotionally masochistic. But it’s fun expunging and admitting to myself things I’m feeling that I wouldn’t otherwise have the balls to admit. (Regardless of whether the sentiments are true to reality or not.) All Saturday, I joked with my crew that they had no excuse to slack or complain of being tired because I was running on four hours of sleep. I sometimes do NOT understand where I pull my energy from. I just decide to and then GOOOO.

What was Saturday night.. Oh right. Hanging out with the ex. That was a lot of fun. I love just talking. We’re getting more comfortable and frank talking about just what the hell happened to cause our break-up. That understanding, I feel, is making it easier to talk about current problems. As I’ve said, I don’t know what I’d do without the safety and intimacy she provides. I’ve gone through shit before without a safety net, and I just did NOT deal well. I have a lot of viable venues now. It’s nice. We drank, though she was so full of fail at getting drunk. Must find something strong, tasty, non-carbonated, and stomach-friendly. HEEEEYYY, EERRIIKKKK. Har har. Think we got to sleep by 1 AM.

Openned the next day like a boss, yadda yadda. Went to Angie’s birthday party. Finding myself far less anxious than in years past. If you ever feel anxious at a party, pay attention to how many people are not talking at one time. Some people just pull conversation, it happens. And sometimes, you haven’t a thing to contribute. Which is also okay. Socializing does feel like public speaking at times. Half the time, it felt like whenever I had something to say, people were looking at me and listening or some shit. Do I actually share worthwhile information and thoughts, or am I just uncomfortable with being the center of attention like that? Hard to say. I remember my Boss Lady telling me how she hates birthday parties because she hates being the center of attention. I mean, this is my BOSS telling me this. Go figure.

Openned in East Hanover yesterday. First, nobody had a key. Then, I discover it’s just me and three employees. Oh, and I burned the fuck out of the inside of my hand. Okay, I suppose there’s still a fuck on my hand, but it still really hurt. I had to grin and bear the pain a lot, sinking my hand into something cold whenever I could. It’s not how hard you hit. It’s how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. And here I always took that metaphorically. I’m like a boss, so I survived with minimal problems. Store was clean, didn’t run out of food. Okay, I got really close to running out of food; I’ve never run out of food on a shift before and yesterday wasn’t the day for it to happen. Oh, and service times were terrible. Shit happens.

I’ve had friends point out that I’m more than like a boss, I am a boss. I exploit the joke to express my own insecurities over being assertive and authoritative. It’s easier for me to joke my way through things with style than be all I R SERIOUS BOSS, I AM PERFECT AND YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO MY SERIOUSFACE. I’d rather joke with my minions, “Oh don’t worry. If you do it wrong, I’ll just fire you and hire someone else.” :: laughs :: Except. I think that, while it’s a joke, it’s completely in line with being Mr. Serious. Whatever, I don’t always know what the fuck things mean. But I do know I always say, “I just do what the Boss Lady tells me to do.” Some level of safety knowing there’s someone else there.

Even though I’ve gotten far more comfortable making executive decisions.

Whatever.

Had dinner with Laura last night. She’s a former coworker. I’ve been slowly crossing the streams with her, especially after she quit for the second time. For her, it was just a matter of school + 2 jobs = FML. Such is life. I like making off-color or strange jokes that go over most of my minion’s heads. Except she gets what I’m saying and can otherwise see through me. High emotional intelligence. She’s also a little strange herself, and a nerd. Figured we should be friends on some level. Dinner at Clay Oven was tasty, and conversation was amusing. We should hang out again sometime, time permitting.

On a completely unrelated note, I need to trim my nails. They’re liable to make all the girls jealous. They’re so long and healthy! After I hit the gym tomorow. :: nods decisively :: Definitely no deadlifting after burning my right hand, but I’ll improvise.

So, had my morning class this morning. I got healthy natural sleep last night. Just under seven hours, but I woke up just before my alarm went off. Just need to study a bit, then I can go home and nap.

Can you say motherfucking nap? I can say motherfucking nap. I’m going to take a MOTHERFUCKING NAP TODAY! (But after I get groceries. Having food to eat is important or I’ll die and stuff.) With the way my weekly schedule is set up, I may permanently plan a nap every Tuesday afternoon. A good wank followed by a good nap, and I’ll be all “FUCK YOU, BITCHES! I R RESTED!”

I missed the double XP weekend for everquest2. Oh well. I bet my vitality is near full by now.

There. That’s better. A week in review where I actually talk about shit. That’s what I want.

Agenda:
• Tuesday: TAKE A NAP.
• Wednesday: Triumphant return to the gym! Get on campus before afternoon class and finish studying.
• Thursday: Finish studying after classs and take a nap before work.
• Friday: To go the gym after work.
• Saturday: Maybe hang out with Candi, who knows.
• Sunday: Reestablish regular D&D? Hurricane permitting.

Wants:

• Get more sleep.
• Socialize 2 times.
• Continue to write in journal.

Things I should remember:

• Don’t be a hopeless romantic for too long.
• Socializing like hell.
• BURNING MY HAND.
• I love alcohol.