Staying Busy.

Ever since it really really hit me two weeks ago how anti-social I tend to be, I’ve been bent on being as social as possible. Being alone just isn’t good for me right now.

Angie invited me over. I met her brother, Ricky, and her boyfriend, Bryan. And, gasp, I wasn’t completely awkward! When the hell did this happen? I’ve heard so much about Bryan, but meeting him just completely made everything I’ve ever heard about him make sense. I get it. He’s a bigger weenie than I am. : D If a girl’s cutting off circulation in my arm, I say something, rather than just being a weenie. I don’t exactly have enough new information to give her relationship advice, but I do have a basis now. Her brother’s actually a pretty cool guy.

We watched Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. I was a bit sleepy at some points, but it was pretty enjoyable. Especially because we were making fun of them as it progressed. Nothing like adding “motherfucker” after everything Mace Windu says.

Her mother fed us dinner. When I first met her two weeks ago, I was instantly on her good side because I managed to muddle some conversation in spanish. Really a sweet woman. While we ate dinner, I sensed something I haven’t sensed in a long time: family. A sense of calm and safety. I know her brother’s been away for a while, but she’s lucky to have him here for the time being. I still tense up around my sister without meaning to, because I care what she thinks about me.

(The classic conversation of being more comfortable around those people whose opinion of you either doesn’t matter, or will never change, as opposed to being comfortable around those people who you are “close to” and whose opinion you DO care about.)

Thinking more, I feel more relaxed when I’m anywhere but my own house. I remember back in 2005 when I’d drop by Erik’s house and nap on his couch while waiting for him. Just completely at ease.

But it’s more than that. I think it really is just feeling more relaxed with myself when I have someone else around. I’ll always be an introvert to some degree, but… I really can’t be left alone with my interior monologue for too long. Runaway thoughts will always be about, it’s nice having something else to absorb myself into.

I figure eventually my luck will run out, and I’ll have time to myself. And during that time I will PLAY EVERQUEST2. But, to simply plan to play Everquest2 just isn’t as satisfying.

All of this is the reason I have no problem knowing once semester starts, I won’t have a day off until Thanksgiving/Christmas. Can’t stay alone with my thoughts for too long. Must stay busy…

Also, must sleep. Really need a big print-out of maslow’s hierarchy of needs.