Socks and Anger.

I catalogued my socks this morning. I wanted to see just how many socks I had in all, before openning the new packages of tube socks. In all, I think I counted twenty, with one extra sock. Always one, eh? I sorted through them, putting aside any that had any noticable wear and tear. I also put aside the few pairs of non-tube socks I had. I hate heel socks. Seven pairs were spared from the purge. Since I bought two packages of ten pairs, I tossed one in the closet for another day.

I also cleared out my top drawer so I could actually USE it for undies and socks. I’m not even sure how I ended up using the hamper behind my computerchair to toss socks and undies. I put all my boxers and g-strings in my bottom drawer. I told Lauren that she could have my old boxers, if she wants.

I should explore my anger problems. I’ve been told by people that they can’t fathom me being angry. I’m normally a very upbeat person, so I can see that. I’ve noticed I seem to perceive people as being antagonistic when they’re really not trying to. Kind of hard to deal with in the moment? It’s hard to warn people, “Hey, back off.” How exactly do you do that? This isn’t a world where you can say to someone, “It feels like you’re antagonizing me” unless they’re a good friend. Cliff and Erik know I have this problem, and they know if I snap that I don’t mean anything by it.

Hrm. I can’t seem to deal easily when I get excited. The logical course of action would be to calm myself and reset myself. It’s a thought.

Or perhaps it’s because I haven’t fully reckoned an outlet for said aggression. It just builds and builds. Thus the explosion – I snap.

What I wonder is what to tell friends. I mean, how am I supposed to be dealt with? I’m not even sure. I find Captain Obviousness pisses me off when I’m in that state. Sometimes, “Hey, are you okay” pisses me off further. Hrm. Erik saw me get frustrated sometimes at Panera. It was only when I was working line. Soloing bakery never, ever frustrated me. What did he say? “Calm down, Timmy!” I think that helped for the sole reason that he’s Erik.

Perhaps it’s perfectionism. I want to do everything, and if I can’t, I feel like I’m not good enough. I’m one of those people that actually cares about things he does. It’s hard to respect my own limitations, I suppose. I find if I think “Well, whatever” I calm down, but then I just feel sad.

My right big toe has been numb for over a week now. I can only feel deep pressure. I’ve tried massaging it, thinking it’s a pinched nerve or something. I don’t know. It uh, can’t be good. Visual inspection shows blood circulation is fine.

School is almost like a reprieve from employment. I’m going to be hitting the gym early tomorrow. And then I get to stalk Victoria. Shh, don’t tell her. : D