Prelude to everything.

I have some established facts. I came to county just looking to get-in-get-out with a degree. It was something to do. I had no aspirations, so I defaulted. So be it. The trick is now I have another idea, much like so many before. And it’s hard to try again when all those other ideas fizzled out.

I spent over three years at Rutgers and became quickly disillusioned with my choosen major. So I took a variety of classes. That’s what you’re supposed to do. However, nothing stuck. Nothing fit, and nothing really felt like it would lead me somewhere fulfilling. I never officially changed majors because, guess what. My dad would feed me lines like, “Sometimes things are hard, you should stick with it!”

You know, that’s not exactly bad advice, but it’s the wrong time for that advice. There’s a difference between saying, “I can’t do it” and saying, “I don’t want to do it.” He may have had a life of mediocrity and blind unhappiness, but that’s not for me.

Or he’d tell me to make up my mind, that I’ve already had other ideas that didn’t pan out. That’s the thing. Maybe if he was more supportive to begin with, I would have been more free to explore other options, rather than sticking with something I dislike. Maybe if I wasn’t so fed up with everything I wouldn’t have dropped out of school in the first place. I find myself saying all the things to myself that were never said to me; self-affirmations and confidence-boosters.

Now is no different than seven months from now. I look in the classifieds, and really ask myself, “Now seriously, what are you going to do with yourself?” A degree I’ll never use? There’s a difference betweeen the degree you’ll never use, and the degree you enjoyed. Education in something you like is always worthwhile. Ultimately, if we’re interested in something, we’re going to learn more about it than anything else. In the span of a couple months, I now know more about lifting than I would had I spent time in the classroom. It’s that simple. Become interested and absorb information. Relatively speaking.

I’ve had a pattern of not wanting to rock the boat. I know better now. If something isn’t working for you, try something else. I know that if I was tossed into the ocean, I’d find a way to swim. Maybe I need to start some waves, because it sure beats being locked up on a boat you never wanted to be on.

Mike was right. Not that I ever doubted the statement, as I agreed with it, despite other coworkers arguing. “Do what you want to do now, because you’ll probably be doing something different in ten years.” Mike, my former GM at Panera. In other words, having changing tastes is a good thing. Why expect yourself to be stuck in one job for the rest of your life?