Paranoia Serves It’s Purpose.

Status Report

Wearing: Brown rayon, faded black shorts

Feeling: Relieved

WinAmp is playing: Skym – Underworld

Last ate: Two weiners, and Five Alive.

Entry Start Time: 3:52 PM

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

Since the incident with The Cursed Intersection last Saturday night/Sunday morning, Kivudet’s been riding me about losing my license. Before leaving for the Mount Olive Municipal Building, I wanted nothing more than to go find myself, so to speak. But, I figured I should get that out of the way.

Actually, the “court date” is two Mondays from today. I was under the impression it was the NEXT DAY, which seemed a little fast. I didn’t bother looking at the date on the tickets until the next morning, and after I had told my dad. My parents aren’t mad at me at all. My mom seems more pissed that my dad didn’t put the insurance in The Van. The insurance is dated March 2003 – March 2004. Know what that means? All three cars haven’t had insurance in them for the past three and a half months. Nevermind the fact that my dad was late paying the insurance. I was all geared up to visiting The Farm, when I was informed that TADA, someone forgot to pay the insurance. It wouldn’t have mattered, you need those magical cards that say that you have insurance.

So I went to the Municipal Building and asked someone in the cashier’s office (or whatever you want to call it) if showing my insurance would make a difference. She said that it doesn’t matter if I have insurance, I didn’t show it at the time. I also mentioned my paranoia of losing my license. She said that it isn’t even a point-violation.

“Nothing bad will happen?”
“Nothing bad will happen, so long as you pay it on time.”

She kept saying “Forty-four dollars.” I didn’t have any money on me. So this is why people get checking accounts. I could have gone to the bank and gotten money out, but it didn’t occur to me. I think I’ll just pay both the tickets off. It’s pointless to argue in court. They see people, day in day out, trying to save their asses. So let’s say I go into court and say that the reason I didn’t have insurance on me was because my dad’s a dumbass like that. If I were the judge, I’d say to myself, “Fine, make your dad pay. You still didn’t have insurance on you.” Mom agrees with me. The turn on the red arrow is my fault, totally. The insurance thing was not my fault at all. Can you imagine my surprise when I couldn’t find an up-to-date insurance in the van?

I’ve been having trouble sleeping since that day. Every day, I’d end up napping. (Or passing out, same thing.) And because of those naps, I wouldn’t be able to sleep for that long. I remember when I used to be able to go all day on five hours a night. I’m so weak nowadays. *laughs* Ah, High School. Regardless, I was awake yesterday from 3 AM to 7 PM. Enough hours awake to get a full night’s rest. I spent most of those hours at Work.

*pops some cheese balls in his mouth* Oh man, I went shopping today… Um. As I told Hairbrush, I got a bunch of junk food. Never shop hungry. Hey, my mom gave me the money and told me to get milk and donuts. Oh, and some hamburger patties. She gave me forty bucks. So. I assumed I could get whatever I want. She didn’t complain when I came back with two cans of CHEESEBALLS, some chewy chips ahoy, 8 bottles of root beer, two boxes of entenmanns, some tostidos (but, they’re for taco salads, I swear), and um. Can’t think of anything else. I resisted buying string cheese.

Oh yeah, I got a good night’s sleep last night. I was in bed for 12 1/2 hours. I have all my Underworld mp3s on my WinAmp playlist. I have four of their albums, plus some live shit. Anyway, I was just reminded of how I used to use this song, “Dark and Long” to help me fall asleep in High School. I’d just get lost in the music and fall asleep. I haven’t done that in a while… I remember spending a lot of time pacing in my room, listening to music. Must have been why I made all those mixes that I did. I don’t think I pace nearly as much as I used to. Well, I do pace. I pace at the bus stop! But, I don’t dedicate time specifically to pacing, like I used to. I bet I had an away message for it. I used to pace and.. think. What I thought about, I can’t fathom, but I do know there weren’t enough hours in the day to think about shit. I feel so blank. What’s to think about? I used to fantasize, play scenes out. Maybe it was mostly girls I thought about, who knows. But no, it was more than girls…

Something’s missing from me and has been for a while. Maybe it’s just change. It’s only natural that, over time, one notices that “Wow, I’m not the same person I was a year (or two) ago.” It’s a cycle. I’m the type of person that likes to find patterns in things. Maybe we all find patterns in things, unconsciously, as a method of classification. I’m not going to dwell too much on this. Or rather, I can dwell without it interrupting my so-called life. I have to.. commute. What a concept. I’m going to Dorney Park with General Disk Error and 23645245123 of his closest friends, on Saturday. Hope it doesn’t rain.

If nothing else, I’m a walking contradiction. The description never ceases to amuse me.

Hairbrush and I decided that we shouldn’t talk to each other for a while. Why? Oh, it’s hard to explain. It’s funny, as usual, I was thinking the same thing as her. (That was should stop talking for a while.) I was just afraid to say it. All will be known, in time. In time. All I know is that I regret nothing that happened between us. I tend to think that I’ve been ignoring everybody. That’s… a bad thing. But, even with her, I feel kinda quiet. I’ve been looking over old conversations, in search of something. Of what, I don’t know. Maybe it’s nothing, really. But no, I am quiet. Princess noted, a while ago, how I don’t ramble to her anymore. But. I stopped doing that a WHILE ago. For the most part, I wait for people to IM me. Well. Unless I feel like pestering Kivudet about when we’re going to have HOTGAYSEX.

I’m not horny at all. I wonder if I should be worried. *laughs* Nah, boobs are still fun to look at.