Old Feelings of Mine.

I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed. Nice and warm.

I didn’t feel like going to the gym. So I didn’t.

I dawdled for a few hours in the morning. I managed to leave early enough to actually clear off the van and be early for class. Getting tired of eating.

Ashley told me to feel her hair – then asked to give her a head massage. She must have seen me doing it to Victoria. Played a game of Cranium. I swear, I’m so bad at games where you have to think of things that are obscure to me. Trivial Pursuit, on the other hand, I’m not THAT bad at. This game just frustrated me.

I saw people playing Melee, so I had to play. Who did I win as today… Avoided playing as Pikachu, I remember. Won as Peach against a Falco – I was able to rack up some damage with my charge attack before he adapted. Kind of surprised I won. Then again, I’m always surprised when I win. It’s not like I ever dominate people. I just know how to make people come to me? Whatever. Won a match as Ness, and then as Bowser. I think I caught everyone off-guard. I inadvertantly raped a Kirby pretty bad. I know that to play as Bowser, you have to be aggressive as hell. So that’s how I played. Plus, you have to abuse his breathing fire attack. And, me being me, I grab a lot.

That’s really the huge difference in me now as opposed to a few years ago. My timing with grabs is better. Nobody grabs as much as I do, it feels like.

I’m currently kind of being a moron. I feel like crap, so I don’t feel like working on my paper. But uh. Why do I feel like crap? Because I have a paper to do.

I had a weak wank this morning. I know better than to wank so frequently, but I really wanted to get off. :: shrugs ::

I feel like I’m falling apart. My sense of invincibility has been shattered. That sense of control. Not wanting to do anything, feeling out of control – familiar feelings. Feeling like I’m going to collapse. I can’t cognitively decide whether it’s a warrented feeling or not. Doesn’t matter, it’s not very conductive towards a mental environment where I can feel good about myself. (And thus succeed.)

I know I’m going to need to start struggling a little bit. I know that if I just struggle a little bit, decide what I want to do, it’ll pass once I start. Starting is so critical.

I just don’t feel like struggling right now. I’ll try to give myself the best chance for tomorrow.