OD+ Charter, Version 2.0

A long time ago (okay, last January), I was new to the Twenty Dollah Billz Club. I came here to escape the ads. Did that. I came here to seek out more intelligent diaries. I’ve found that. I came here to avoid downtime. Downtime is DOWN. But, whether I said it out loud or not, one of my goals was to see how far my writing could go. I attained as much of an audience as I could on FOD. By the time I hit 5000 notes on my original diary, my NoteWhoring hit critical. I wanted to start over, and see just what kind of damage I could do, knowing my capabilities.

Now, excuse me for a moment while I let my ego out flex itself. But, I’m the only person to be suspended from the Twenty Dollah Billz Club, and be reinstated. I’m the first. *giggles* I’m a LEGEND IN THE MAKING! :: emits Aura :: But, whatever. The key to writing consistently is to not let it get to your head too much. That is, when I write, I write as if I’m constantly saying to myself, “Eh, fuck the audience.” Not only for the offensive things I write, but for the personal things I share which people usually don’t remember. (Or so I’ve lead myself to believe.)

This is a long-winded way of saying that in light of my reinstatement, it’s time to re-charter my diary. I’m eating tostidos right now. They’re really yummy. I like something I wrote in the original charter.

My name is Timmy, and I write stuff. *shakes your hand* Life, the final frontier. These are the entries of the Real Slim Timmy. His mission: To explore strange new ideas. To seek out new friends and new social situations. To boldly go where no Timmy has gone before.

Odds are, I was trying to be humorous. But, it does seem pretty descriptive of me. My name is Timmy and I do write stuff. I like pushing my writing in new directions. I’ve hit all my easy topics already. Circumcision, empirical equality (feminism/masculinism), my love of the Vagina, on and on. I randomly wrote a 7-parter last weekend. *laughs* I didn’t plan that! It just happened that way. I had a shell of a story, knew it would needs such and such scenes, and then filled in the blanks. I’ve been told BIGGAYDAN is getting old. Maybe. I still have Larry in the freezer (ha ha, get it?) if I want some easy ebonic laughs. Ah, lovely tangents.

So. I was thinking about my diary and the kind of things I write. I thought I should give people a general warning about the kinds of things I write. You know, as if this is my first entry in the diary or something. The severity of my language varies. “Area” is a soft way of saying “pussy” or “cunt”. I also enjoy just flat out saying “Vagina.” Okay, I can NOT parody that George Carlin skit without listening to it beforehand. I’ll wing the rest of this.

I like mocking things. I mock anything under the sun. I’ll mock myself if given the chance. Do I really hate Republicans? Not really. “Republican” is a label, and labels disregard the person that takes on the label. Let’s face it: This administration makes Republicans everywhere look bad. At least in my opinion. We need more Bob Doles. *nods* A better man, for a better America.

I seem to be rather exhibitionist. I enjoy sharing when I masturbate. I mean, heck, why not? If I babble about how much I touch my penis, maybe I’ll make someone else a little more at ease with his or her own self-pleasure. Or not, whatever. I like sharing TimmyPorn with people, however any Timages that end up on Open Diary will not contain any full-frontal nudity. *nods* But, you can be sure that you’ll see my bum a lot. I actually emailed Bang Bang about whether showing my bum is bad. Hey, might as well ask while I have his attention. Rated R and X. Let’s see, I saw some fine boobies in Freddie VS Jason. So, in theory, I should be able to post boobies on OD. *laughs* If only that logic actually worked on Bang Bang. I should ask about that, too…

I enjoy being blunt and honest. Maybe not right, but honest. If I’m bullshitting you, you’ll know it. Most of the time. *smirks* I still consider myself feminine, to some degree, despite the rather assholish exterior I seem to possess, now.

I write really dumb stories. I write pointless, sexually charged, disgusting, perverted, stupid stories. And I love them.

I abide by the OD Prime Directive, which is of my own creation: Thou shall not discuss other members of Open Diary, except in a positive or advertising way. To err is drama. At least, that what I can think of off the top of my head.

I note, and I note heavily. All my notes are red. If you haven’t figured that out by now, you’ve been living under a rock. As it stands, my note given is 7655, whereas my note received is 5436. It’s getting hard and harder to keep the distance between the two number. In my original run on FOD, I’d return every note. And I do mean every note. I’ve learned which notes I should return and which I don’t need to return. And which I should just check the diary out.

I shaved my pubes off this evening. It’s really smooth. I’m annoyed that the batteries in my camera are dead. Just felt like sharing that.

I tend to change my DiaryName frequently. Why? Well, I never could stick with one. I’d change my name as soon as a better one came along. Or more interesting. I enjoyed my time as Vagina, Dissident, Kelly, Weird Al Yankovic, and so many, many more. I could be Vagina again. *giggles* I respect the authority of the Vagina. *bows to the Vagina* Also, by changing my name a lot, this forces people to recognize me as “Timmy”, and not by my DiaryName.

I have no obligation to anybody to write here. But, of course, if I didn’t want anybody to see my writing, I’d start blogging or something. I enjoy feedback. Oh hell, I won’t explain. Everybody tries explaining how they want to “write for themselves”, and it always ends up sounding shallow. I’ll just say what the critics want to hear. “I write for everybody else because my writing is a product, just like cheese. And if the audience likes my cheese, I’m happy.” *blinks* Yes, of course.

It doesn’t matter. Writing brings me joy. And I’m sure it brings all my lovely lurkers joy. I mean, if you don’t note, you have absolutely no obligation to ever come back. That takes ovaries. And I’ll say ovaries because OD is mostly female. *smiles* Ah, what would I do without you OD girls? I’d have to get a girlfriend or something! *gasps*

I’m being too sappy. Makes me want to write something about how some ethnicity should die. Just to watch the reaction. *laughs*

One thing I’ve picked up from people who have IMed me, is that they seem to assume I’m confident. Do keep in mind, the illusion of confidence is confidence, in a way. I’m harmless. If I wasn’t harmless, Bang Bang wouldn’t have brought me back. He loves me! *huggles himself* But yes. I’ve gotten comfortable as this site’s resident Timmy. You’d never know I was an internet celebrity if you saw me on the street. I mean, and hadn’t seen my pic on OD before.

I’ll shut up now, I totally killed the point of this entry.