Nothing is a good something.

The key to my recovery, at least as it was over a year ago, was recognizing that there are thoughts that are not my own. It sounds kind of crazy, but it’s something that really helped me gain control last year. At the very least, we can misinterpret our own thoughts.

I had a good morning, did what I wanted to do. I was waiting for my dad to come back from taking my mom to get a haircut, so we could go grocery shopping. The Saturday routine, so to speak. I told myself to pick up everything off the floor and vacuum. This would be stupidly easy, as there’s not much on the floor. I want to keep it that way. The window’s been open all day, and it smells a little less like stale Timmy, and a little more like spring.

This took a little bit for me to do, but I eventually did it. Good. I did it. Something accomplished. A sat and caught myself compulsively refreshing.

(Though, I did have a rousing game of Battlefront. I’ve beaten platforms so many times. I can be a clone trooper and just kill everything. Ah, but where? From on top of the platform? Along side my own men? Charging forth? I can be a Jet Trooper, and cheaply fly across everything. Or, still one of my favorites, I can be an Arc Trooper. If I get bored, I’ll start being Suicide Tim. I’ll refuse to use my primary weapons at all, and kill everything using mines. Yes. I run at the enemy and drop mines right in front of them. Sometimes, if I dodge the right way, I can avoid killing myself in the process. In any event, it’s hilarious to drop a mine in front of five enemy soldier, watch as all their names come up as “colonelquack has killed..” and watch my pixelated body going flying in the process.

Anyway. Long parenthesis, eh? For some reason, I didn’t get the Extractor (the middle base on Platforms). And, of course, your friendly CPU units are useless, and were pushed back. I was down ten or twenty men. I realized I wouldn’t win via commando mode. I could have stood on top of the platform and killed a ton of people, but I would have eventually died. I decided I’d go into Cheap Bastard Mode. Stand behind one of the walls in the center platform, cause them to lose the base, then more or less run from one side of the wall to the other, killing people. I conserved my EMP shots for Droidekas. Those bastards are the only reason they held it for so long. I think I did this as a Jet Trooper a couple times, so I’d occasionally jump up, hover, toss a grenade into a pile of them, then drop. Ha ha. Like I said, Cheap Bastard Mode.

Yeah, I won. Challenges like that make me smile.)

So yeah. I found myself idling. I thought, “Okay, what do you really want to do?” I thought back, “You know, I don’t really want to do anything.”

Normally the fear of apathy would grasp me, but for once, I thought, “Wait. Why don’t I do nothing?” One of the perks of having cleaned my floor is that I can utilize it. I sat against my bed, on the floor, folded my arms and rested my head, closing my eyes. I let my mind wander.

The phone rang suddenly. My eyes openned. I felt better. The whole pressure to GOTTA DO SOMETHING GOTTA DO SOMETHING is silly. Relaxing is a very simple thing which I need to utilize more often.