My cock is much bigger than yours.

“Don’t want to take any chances.”

Cliff caught the phrase out of my mouth. I think the context was something to do with money. As the years have passed, we joke about how we’re getting old. Just yesterday, I happened to say that six slices of pizza in a sitting was my teenage average. Already that far removed from a part of my life that was a few years ago.

I was sitting here yesterday evening, watching my mom’s mannerisms. Sitting at the edge of the couch, clutching the remote. With her head cocked upward. And it occurs to me: Wow, my parents are old. Cliff jokes about how my mom’s in the random purchases stage. There are piles of still plastic-wrapped DVDs. Every few months, there’s a new gadget in the house, far more often than it used to be. And just like old times, that gadget will be talked about for a while, about how “great” it is. And then promptly forgotten.

I can already see my parents as grandparents it it scares me. Not that I can see it. I just get this feeling I’ll want Wendi to chapperone them to make sure they don’t kill them. I’ve seen my dad with small children, and it’s a scary thing. I will never, ever forget the time he gave my cousin (who was five at the time) a hot pepper, telling him it was a regular pepper. You just don’t do that shit.

I suppose my mom won’t be that bad. I can see her being so utterly stereotypical. So void of character that it gives her character. She raised me, I know she’s not stupid with kids. But as her body and mind go, it’ll turn into one of those “Don’t listen to your Grandma” or “Just humor her” things. But, moreso with my dad. I suppose it’s only natural to pass on that “Don’t listen to a word he says” vibe on. Sadly.

I’m amused.

We all get old, ignored and relegated to obsoleteness. Funny, isn’t growing old and not being understood by anyone one of my biggest fears? I’ll be old, OCD, and bitching about the most random things. Will make for some fantastic prose, undoubtedly. Old people vote in droves.

My mom watches America’s Funniest Home Videos on a regular basis. And you thought me watching Full House was bad.

My shipment of random CDs came. The new System of a Down isn’t as good as Steal This Album, but it’s good enough. I’m content.

And me, the stereotypical child. Listening to strange music while sitting online. Don’t really talk to people on AIM like I used to, but shh about that.

I have a hard time casually playing games. If I play them, I have to get obsessed with them. Play them all day. I might be able to convince myself to play Civilization: Call To Power. Do like I did last time and let my Nazi regime conquer all. No, seriously, hear me out. If you have a Facist in your city, you’re immune to the more annoying things in the game. And there’s a LOT of annoying things in that game if you’re not careful. STOP SUING ME, BASTARD COMPUTER.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be stereotypical and hold up in my room until I make a brief appearance for food.