Morning of 1-24-6
Every semester I sign up for classes, looking for something I like. And every time, there’s a difference between the classes I take because I think they’ll be fun, and the classes that I think I Should Learn Something.
It’s only the first week, and I have absolutely no desire to continue spanish. Was it the pace of last semester? I don’t know. I didn’t mind it last semester. I’m not doing what I did before. I haven’t made notecards yet. The fact that we have to hand in our homework really throws me off. I always did my homework. But knowing that she’ll actually SEE it makes me a bit of a perfectionist about it, which causes me to take longer than I normally would, which causes me to spaz.
What the fuck.
I never said I liked school. I’ve made it clear that really the only reason I’m here is to Get It Over With. Which is not the best reason. Yet I haven’t really met anybody that actually enjoyed college without some delusion that they’re Getting Somewhere. It’ll never be some grand learning experience. It’ll continue to be a lie I try to convince myself of.
Meh.
I don’t care.
But I haven’t cared for years, so that’s not a change. Nor is this different from most people. Most people resent college and struggle to just get by. Then there’s those few people we want to stab because they actually do things when they say they will. Meh. STABSTABSTAB.
failure, failure, failure, failure
*yawns*
I can’t even remember how I did it last semester. I’m faced with a blank slate and a bunch of tasks to do. It’s like finding the right amount of struggle. Too much, and I spaz. Too little, and I’m apathetic. I know there’s somewhere in between where I do stuff while resenting it? Ha ha.
I feel like going back to bed. Go figure. Why did I think having three classes in a row and Getting Them Out Of The Way would be a good idea?
college SHOULD be a grand learning experience. Unfortunately, all it does is beat out any desire a person has to learn. I am so fed up with it at this point I just want to be DONE with it.
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Do I fall under the stabstabstab category? Wanna study for some cleps with me? Go back and delete that little line of failure you threw in. I need some electives so I can graduate in October. My school gives you the three credits for passing the test, so it’s one less class to take. I bought some cheap 101 textbooks on half.com to peruse. I think I’m taking sociology and American History-
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It depends on how difficult the exams look. One of my classmates (who isn’t terribly bright) has taken and passed about 6 of them. That’s 18 credits, no classroom, no homework.
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Timmy? What are you planning on doing after school?
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never been to college so its hard for me to know what its like. i feel bad for ya though
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Generally people get jobs sufficient enough to allow them to live on their own. Or they get roommates. Heh. Could you live with Cliff?? Consider it now. You’ll be considering it later.
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I really don’t think I’m going to college. I have no desire to continue my education.I know I SHOULD, but I just don’t want to.Samie’s
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As a freshman when I had to write a letter of intent for my presidential assistantship I said that I wanted to immerse myself in academia, finally having free reign to study what I want. I’ve always been that weirdo who loves school and gets upset over summer and winter holidays because there is no school. My other class blows…but I don’t know. I still love it.
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I have vented in frustration before that I felt like we were buying our diploma giving all this goddamned money over the years. I hate meaningless classes. I’m sorry your experience has devolved into some masochistic means to an end.
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ryn: I think I can safely say that Hulk could care less who sees his dirty undies, as he leaves them in the middle of the floor in the main bathroom when he’s done with his shower. This would be the bathroom guests use. I tried to get him to do his laundry, but he just wore dirty clothes until we couldn’t stand the smell anymore. He’s 17 going on 8.
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Yeah I am doing all internet courses and all the work is making me want to freak out… because I dont even know where to start.
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I think eventually you’re going to realize just how necessary college is, which will help you care more. You’ll no longer be living with your parents. You’ll have to pay bills. You’ll have to provide for yourself. And working a shitty 7-8 dollar an hour job full time, doing overtime, just to *barely* make ends meet, is far less fun than college. I can’t figure out if you’re choosing to
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disintegrate, or if you’re trying to figure things out and just struggling along the way. Like I said, I’m not going to say too much right now. I’m concerned, but I’m hoping eventually you’re going to look around, on your own, and say “God dammit, look at my life. This is unacceptable.”. Part of the reason your progress has been so slow is because you fought me nearly every step of the way.
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You asked for my help, but you didn’t actually want to accept it. Your ego got in the way, you felt condescended to, and then you wound up resenting me to the point where even making minor suggestions caused you to lash out at me. So now I’m going to be quiet. I’m not going to give you something to fight against, other than yourself. It may take a couple years, but eventually I think you’re
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going to get fed up with living apathetically, defensively, blaming others, and holing up when it’s convenient for you. I have no idea if you’re going to get annoyed with these notes. I guess you probably will, even though you may pretend you aren’t. But I’m talking to you like you’re 22 years old. You’re not a kid. You don’t need me to walk on eggshells with you. This is just how it is.
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You’ve been given plenty of resources– the packet on my diary, the ariawebdesign.net/DBT.html link, the books, the links, the love. You’ve got it all in your possession. Now it’s just a question of you putting it to use. I want the best for you Tim, and I love you an awful lot. I don’t know what happens next– but I will never give up on you, and I will never lose hope.
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But when people want to teach you, you get passive aggressive and resentful. So either you learn how to deflate your ego and accept help– or, you shoot yourself in the foot.
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Actually, on second thought– I think you’re right. Yeah, you do get passive aggressive and resentful, but that’s not so the issue so much at this point. You have to learn how to take care of yourself. So, no. It’s not a question of not being taught. It’s a question of not trying. You look at something and think “I don’t know how to do this”, so you just quit. You let your fear control you.
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If you actually are tired of living like this, you’ll take what resources you have and throw yourself bodily into them, trying to glean as much knowledge as you can. You’re not an idiot- you just like to pretend you are so you don’t have to try. Read. Think about what you’ve read. Apply it. Learn. Grow. It’s that simple. And if you need help, you ASK for it. Or you go online and research. But
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doing ANYTHING is better than doing nothing.
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I’m one of those terrible people that actually enjoys school. You probably will hate me.
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My vision for you was very simple: a normal, healthy life. I wanted you to get strong enough and confident enough to where you could finish school, get your degree, get a job, live on your own, support yourself, make new friends, meet a girl, have a healthy relationship, and feel SATISFIED and happy. Eventually life is going to force you to live. I just wanted you to be prepared for it.
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I start next semester next Thursday. :O What grade are you in?
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Oh, come on, get into the learning adventure spirit! ::full of infectious scholarly energy:: ryn: http://www.traderjoes.com/ xxx
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Oh, those are fightin’ words. A lot of people are kind of thrown by the unfamiliar format of the store and don’t know how to get to what they want. They really do have a lot of incredible, high-quality food, for prices less than other health food stores. And their brownie mix is orgasmic.
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RYN: What degree are you trying to get? I mean like, what do you want to be? I want to be a lawyer or musician.
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