More of nothing.

It’s a few minutes to 1 AM. I’ve already brushed my teeth and #2ed. Sleep. Full night’s sleep. Always the first step to some form of recovery.

Tuesdays hate me. I shouldn’t be so tired after two consecutive classes. Heck, I’ll be tired after ONE class. I’m never in the mood to do anything. I suppose I should start small. Baby-steps. But everything seems like a giant mound of text.

Oh, and I do not understand assembly language at all.

I haven’t done anything academic in full week, short of actually going to class. I say to myself, “Just GOTO the library. Do something. Anything.” Yet, I can’t do it, because I don’t know where to begin at all. I feel myself shutting down. I do like my classes. At least, I like attending them. I just don’t give a shit about the details. I like classes to have entertainment value. I have a little more of that, this year. I haven’t fallen asleep in class once, this semester. (Last semester was horrible in that department.)

I’m not writing in my paper journal. It’s always a critical sign that something’s wrong. Because I have zero focus. I have nothing to say to myself in there. I can only write, “I’m fucking up” so many times. This same shit over and over and over again. I’m scared of everything. I knew I’d chicken out of looking into studying abroad. Zero motivation. What am I going to do this summer? I’m scared of everything.

Why are you scared of us? Heh, we aren’t that bad are we? Just b/c we are missing a couple of teeth. Better to gum flaccid cock with, my dear. Heh, I love that phrase. Flaccid cock. I manage to work it into my normal conversations at least five time a day. I’m sure you would make a fine lesbian. It seems you have utmost respect for and understanding of the female body. Yes, fine lesbo indeed.

*pats your head* I don’t understand what assembly language is! And I can’t get there to be a paragraph space on one of my web pages in Frontpage!!!

seabee

March 3, 2004

Thats exactly how I feel with my studies… We are reading Julius Caesar, thank god I can read shakespeare like any other author, but in every other subject I know I am doomed for when it comes to report cards. It sucks how the world is so incredibly focused on highschool and college. ” Pass the SAT test, and youll be able to make it in the world” ” Go to college and you’ll be considered educated”

And if you don’t do well in Math class, you obviously don’t have any intelligence at all. -rolls eyes.- I am horrible at Math. I am horrible at science. I am horrible at gym class, yet I have enough street and people smarts to get me by. This “leave no child behind” program sucks. Bush never asked the kids if they wanted help. All they are doing is pressuring us more and confining us into

school, taking away all of our human rights. This year they took away our bookbags. We arent allowed to go into the hallway during class.We only have three minutes to get from point A to point D. We can’t go to the bathroom the whole day.We can’t listen to music anymore, not even when the teacher instructs it. Who would have known that a public school would become a more private one than 1 itself

Helter Skelter

I wonder what your handwriting looks like. also: we got zapped a couple of times yesterday by a freak lightening storm, so my computer died and went to like, e-heaven.com or something. I don’t know. Anyway, that’s why I haven’t been online lately. Not that you were wondering or anything.