Maybe not tonight.

Remember me saying last week that I brought up seeing all the Star Wars films? Then Erik said we should GOTO IHOP?

I think I’m scared.

I don’t know, this morning I got all hung up on the time factor of the day, which made me dawdle and put off exermacising for an hour. I don’t know, I don’t know if I want to go out tonight. I think I’d enjoy it. I’m just. Nervous right now. I’m not in the mood to put myself out there. I want to.. relax. By myself. Well, not entirely by myself.

Being with them is like an externally social thing, rather than an internally social thing. Does that make sense? The difference between interacting with a dynamic group and connecting with someone on a one-on-one basis. Yes, I believe that makes sense.

*shrugs*

Some friends. Maybe I really do need new friends. But where, how? These so-called real-life friends are the people that don’t say a word to me unless we see each other in person.

But that’s me being critical.

I don’t know what I want. I hate saying that phrase. Maybe I just want better from them and are afraid they’ll disappoint, despite the fact that I’ll be content anyway around them.

Or is this just me rejecting or sabotaging a chance to feel affection, even if it isn’t even remotely physical or intimate? Feeling a part of a group is nice.

I don’t know, I want to just not think about it. Just annotating, that’s all.