Live From The Mall of America.

This vacation can be summed up in one word:

Boobies.

Of course, you knew that. The world revolves around those lovely orbs. Boobies in the airport. Boobies on the plane. Boobies on those lovely Minnesota ladies. Boobies on cute girls at The Minnesota State Fair. Boobies on girls at the Andersen plants. You’d be surprised at the number of cute girls work there. Oh, and of course, boobies on the many girls wandering around this here Mall of America.

Naturally, this is a giant excuse to use the word “boobies” many times. As if I need an excuse.

I’ve been relaxing, so to speak. I thought I’d spend some time with Miami, but she’s been more unreachable than usual. I’m rather disappointed in her. So. I’ve been pretty much at the whim of my dad. I’m glad I’m only here for a week. I can’t stand his driving. I wouldn’t mind him driving with his thumb if he could actually maintain his lane. He gets so disorientated when driving. Well, not just driving. He doesn’t have the sense of direction that I do.

My Grandma’s getting old and paranoid. She has one of those ADT home security thingies. Personally, I think it turns your home into a prison. She thinks she lives in a bad neighborhood. Ha ha. She lives in a really NICE neighborhood. Unfortunately, she gets all her information from the TV. A dangerous thing. TV = The Man. *nods* What does this mean for me? I can’t wander outside after she locks up the system for the night. Wouldn’t want to set off the alarm. *pictures himself trying to sneak in and out of the house*

Got upgraded to First Class again. I love First Class. Note I said “upgraded”. Ask him about it, and he’ll tell you that after 25,000 miles, you’re silver, 50,000 is gold, and 75,000 is platinum. I forget what he is now. Regardless, with this status, if there are available First Class seats, you can have them. *nods* I love flying. I can sleep anywhere, including a plane. I usually get a blanket, curl up, and sleep. Well, after the meal. Sometimes before, too. I once fell asleep before the plane took off, and I couldn’t tell whether we landed or were still on the ground.

One of the personnel here just asked if I needed anything. *smiles* Hey, the computers are for public use. There’s no big crowd.

Did the Minnesota State Fair. Found Tiny Tim Donuts. Had some. I was hungry this time, so they were really, really good. I should have gotten three bags and just eaten them later. Also, there was this thing… All you can drink milk for 50 cents. Good deal, eh? My dad and Aunt Gita got some cheese curds and made me try one. Uhh, ew. It tasted like pour grease.

Ha ha, I got told to finish up. I’ll be back later. I’m leaving the mall around 8.

****

Weee. I’m a MallRat, alright. My feet hurt, but oh well. I spent most of my money in a… book store. Surprising, eh? Especially since I don’t like books. Uhh. I got a George Carlin book, the second Bushism book, that Bob Dole book, uhh. I bought my first adult novel.

Hmm. IE is convinced that I have under 100 chars left. Has been saying that since I started typing. Silly iBook. Opposite side of the room than I was before. I also wasted money on “Panty Raiders”. Complete impulse buy at GameStop. I saw it and laughed. Uhh. I also saw Physics of Star Trek in another store. I’ve read that book twice. Great stuff. I got something at Orange Julius with some of the last of my money. I noticed an extra five bucks in my wallet afterwards but eh, I didn’t plan on leaving the Mall broke. Twenty minutes left before I go meet my Dad. Central time here, remember.

Actually, I don’t have much recap details on my mind. So I’ll just leave here before they notice I’m loitering.

OH. Always try those massaging chairs. *moans*

I love girl clothes. If I were a girl, my g-string would be totally soaked by now. Yeah. That’s what I’m wearing. Makes me wonder why people keep looking at me funny. Dude, these minors were looking at me when Dad and I were eating lunch. *laughs* Not barely-underage. More like 8 year olds? Hmm. What’s so odd about a guy with pigtails wearing a Fedora and a colorful shirt. And a goatee. *nods*

“You could spend a day here looking at the girls.” – Dad

“Why do you think I wanted to come here?” – Me

Hey, it’s the truth. Lotta fine looking girls in malls. I love girls.

I want a Poptart.