Let’s All Mow Our Lawns Naked. Well, Almost.

It’s come to my attention that there’s some lady in Florida vying for the right to be able to mow her lawn topless. Like I’ve done. Guys can do it, why can’t girls? Now, I was just babbling to someone about this and I said to myself, “I could so write an entry on this.” So I am.

Forget the male – female issue for a second. That doesn’t work because, frankly, what guy is going to argue with girls who want to go topless? “Oh um, sure, you can take your shirt off…” This is a nudity issue. Now, unfortunately, the world is not one giant nudist colony. Society teaches us to cover our bodies. Now, there are evolutionary reasons for clothes. Warmth and protection from the elements are some good reasons. But, somewhere along the line, something went horribly wrong. Somebody please explain to me how ties function to protect us and keep us warm. I’d really like to know.

Now, I realize society won’t change overnight. But, to me, this issue is a matter of where you draw the line of indecent exposure. Which, is a lot like the old issue of when a bunch of sand becomes a heap. Okay, maybe not, but it goes something like this: You’re putting grains of sand on a table, one at a time on top of each other. If you add one grain of sand, it does not become a heap. But, somewhere along the line, if you add enough, it WILL become a heap. But, like I said, there is no point at which, if you add one grain of sand, it becomes a heap. Something you can think about that I heard in my logic class.

One of the fun things in philosophy to do is to show that there is no difference between one thing and it’s inverse, completely negating the value of the thing being.. yeah. Like, if I were to show that there is no line between decent and indecent, the question would be irrelevent. However, for the sake of argument, I will assume there is something “indecent”, at least relative to society.

What is indecent? If you’re in a nudist colony, well, being nude is not indecent. But, in our society, being completely nude in public is indecent. They don’t call it indecent exposure for nothing. So, as I stated in the previous paragraph, it’s obvious what is decent and indecent is relative to society. Is there anything that is universally indecent? Let’s use the nudist colony as an example, since their definition of indecent would be far more liberal. Let’s imagine that I see a cute girl, and I start masturbation. I think it’s clear that is indecent behavior, because I am displaying arousal. But, even that can be bypassed if we assume society allows public displays of arousal. Wouldn’t it be nice if you and partner could fuck in the middle of a townsquare without anybody caring?

So, in my opinion, there is nothing that is absolutely indecent. Society can be accepting of anything, if it wants to be. If society wanted, it would could have bathrooms with no walls, among other examples. (I mean, hell, a forest doesn’t have walls…)

Naturally, we’re not talking about the paradigm of an accepting society. Our society, like all societies, oppresses elements it considers to be.. bad? Now I’m thinking about why society oppresses things. I think I’ll side-step that.

So, forget about what society could be, if we wanted it to be. Let’s consider society right now. What is decent? It is decent to cover certain parts of our bodies, or so it seems. It is custom for guys to cover their weiners and testicles, and for girls to cover their Areas and their nipples. Why these parts? The only thing they have in common is their sexual aspects. Naturally, this brings up the male-female question I avoided in the beginning. I have nipples. Girls have nipples. Why do girls have to cover their nipples and not guys? The amusing thing is that, at least in theory, you can put masking tape over your nipples, and that’s enough to make you “decent”. Scandalous, but decent. But, the thing that really makes it a female breast is still obviously exposed. You know what I mean.

I’ll try this from another angle which is more useful. Let’s suppose you’re naked in the middle of the street. Is that decent? For our society, obviously not. Let’s suppose you’re naked in the middle of your bedroom. Are you commiting indecent exposure? Obviously not, because you’re in the privacy of your own home. And it’s certainly not indecent exposure to take a shower. I just thought of something. It is not indecent exposure to be naked in a communal shower. Even our society has those.

So, using our own homes, and communal showers as an example, society designates places in which we can be nude. Places where you can not commit indecent exposure, at least in the sense of simple nudity. So, where’s the line? In the locker room, it’s obviously okay to be nude. The area from the shower to the locker. What if the door opens and someone standing outside sees you naked? Can you be charged with indecent exposure? Obviously, no. What if you walk outside of the doorway? I suppose yes. So, for the case of the locker room, I assert that society created an articial haven inside a no-indecency zone where we can be nude.

Communal showers are on public property. Now, consider private property. If you’ve just taken a shower and you have your window open and there’s a Peeping Timmy outside, Timmy will get charged with being a pervert. The person inside can not be held responsible for being nude because, obviously he or she is inside his or her own house. In your house, you can be as indecent as you want. Your yard is your property, too. Let’s suppose you live out in the middle of nowhere and you have no neighbors. Can you be nude in your back yard? Yes. Why? Because nobody will see you, and if they do, they will have to take extra effort to see you. I’m completely making this up as I go along, just so you all know.

But, let’s suppose you have neighbors. A nice suburban home. It’s a hot day. And you say, “Damn, it’s hot out, I’m taking my shirt off.” If it were me saying that, nobody would care. But, if a girl were to say that, suddenly, it’s a big deal. What about sunbathing naked, and being discreet about it? Sunbathing discreetly isn’t exactly indecent exposure, because you’re not exactly exposing yourself. What if you have a fence when you mow your lawn? That would be close to the way it’s okay to be naked in your bathroom because someone will have to take an effort to see you naked.

But, this seems silly. What if a plane is flying overhead and they see you topless? Can you then be charged with indecent exposure? If it’s a Republican mother with a 12 year old child, you bet she’ll get angry at the girl for exposing herself in the privacy of her own yard.

Okay, I’ve hurt my head. It seems clear that, in the normal guidelines of today’s society, it is indecent to mow your lawn topless, if you are female. That said, in order for people to accept a topless neighbor who likes to mow her lawn as such, society will need to mature and accept the fact that boobies rule the world. Because, you know, if it weren’t for boobies, we’d all starve after we were born. *nods decisively*

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