I’ve been better.

I’ve had a realization recently that I am horribly craving feminine physical intimacy. Combined with not knowing what to do with my days off, I’m feeling kind of .. lonely right now. I’m feeling discontent. And I don’t want to simply put on the strong face. I don’t want to pretend I’m perfectly alright.

I miss the comfort in being sad, I suppose.

I’m lonely. I crave a hug. I crave somebody’s hands roaming my body. I crave a kiss on my neck. I crave somebody pinching my ass. I crave having somebody to fall asleep and wake up with. I crave somebody who will let me touch her body whereever and whenever I want.

That staff meeting occurred at Panera tonight. Turns out, it really WAS about employee appreciation. As we were closing, it felt like I was in Fight Club. All these people working together, one giant mass. *smirks*

Jenny. Jenny is very sexy. She was wearing pink pants. It looked like cotton. It hugged her skin. I could see the outline the front (and back) of her thong. Um. Excuse my wandering eyes, but she’s sexy.

Social circles formed. I hate them. Aside from one-on-one contact, I kept to myself. As always. I made sure all the dishes were in their proper place, as I’m openning tomorrow. We watched some cheesy movie, I sat by Vicki, as she was looking lonely. Adam sat on my other side. I’m not surprised about that.

I still don’t take well to teasing. Even if nothing’s meant by it, I just don’t like when people make fun of me. It still hurts. Vicki told me that I have to have comebacks, but, I was never into that. That was never my style. I don’t like lowering myself to people’s levels. I just take it and move on. Yet, I’ve been doing that for years, and it’s never made me feel any better. I still take things to heart too much. That critic gains so much voice when it’s masked by other people.

Ugh.

Suzanne asked me to take Rolando, Nelson, and Gladis home. So I did.

I always get this horribly confused look on my face when I’m asked to do something I’ve never done before. Vanessa asked me to watch the door while she peed, and I had absolutely no idea what she meant. I just sort of looked confused and nodded? Turns out, I was supposed to make sure nobody walks in. Well, thanks a lot for telling me that.

I hate being teased when I don’t know something. Ugh. Hard to look intelligent when you, well, don’t.

I’ll try to distract myself before I GOTO bed tonight. I have to be awake in six and a half hours.

Eclectic Pandora

January 30, 2005

Wende

I like to randomly rub Kevin’s bulge in his jeans. I wonder if he’d miss that if I ever stopped doing it.

Scorpio Frost

*hugs*

Evil Peanut

RYN: If you’ve never seen it,then there’s no WAY you’ve ever driven in the midwest, lol…I saw like four of them on my trip home today.

I have no problem looking like an idiot, unless I was trying to look smart and failed. If I try to pull off looking like I know something when I don’t, THEN it’s humiliating. That’s why I’ve started blatantly stating my own stupidity instead of trying to hide it. “Hey, watch the door, Jess.” “I’m stupid and can’t comprehend what you’re saying. I did too many drugs in college.”

Pixel

I get that lost look on my face when people ask me to take them home and I have no clue as to where they live.

I hate that feeling. I get it a lot, and there’s nothing you can do but wait for it to pass. Loneliness sucks.

Yeah… the lonely bit is no fun. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. *Hug* I have been there myself… and just managed to be lucky enough to stumble across a good person. I’m sure it will happen for you as well. As trite as it sounds… it WILL be when you least expect it. That’s how it worked for me at least.

When you don’t know how to do something, just say “I don’t know what you mean.” (It’s ok. I say it all the time.) Remember– the problem isn’t with you, it’s with the people who make fun of you. They do what they can to increase the negative attention on YOU so none can be deflected back at them, even when you don’t deserve negative attention in the first place. Don’t banter, and don’t

bother with mean comebacks. An ‘even look’ works with people you don’t know very well; it doesn’t give their meanness anything to feed off of, so they just look like bullies. And for those you do know, “Could you stop please?” should be enough. Have an e-mail percolating, but I’ll have to wait till I have some time before I can write it. Until then,

The smell of burning leatheras we hold each other tightAs our rivets rub togetherflashing sparks into the nightAt this moment of surrender darlingif you really careDon’t touch me there Your entry made me think of an old Tubes song.

the Sam.

January 31, 2005

I love intamacy. As I’m sure I’ve stated on many occasions.The boyfriend knows when I’m distracted or not feeling too hot ’cause I don’t do any of those random cute thigs like grab his ass when he bends over to get something.Samies

Also, I’m SO used to feeling stupid that it doesnt phase me anymore. I stopped acting like I knew what I was talking about a few years ago haha.Samies