I want some pink.

I hate summer vacation. I’m not sure I ever enjoyed them. My childhood summer vacations were a process of killing time. Every day, just waste time. Except, I wasn’t aware of it at the time. Now I pass the days, the next just like the day before, not even sure where I’m going.

Two days ago, I did some laundry. I finally got around to folding them. Well, half the battle. No wait, I didn’t even finish folding them yet. They’re sitting on my bed, so I guess I’ll have to finish that before I GOTO bed – unless I toss them on the floor. Doubt I’ll go that far.

Haven’t wanted to eat for the second day in a row. Bad sign. I am making myself eat, trying to keep my protein intake up.

I’m unproductive. Get a job. It would seem like a simple solution, except for the fact that I don’t want to. Or so I feel. Such things are always a complicated assortment of emotions. Not wanting and wanting and not wanting again. Simple tasks have become tiresome chores. I’m trying to keep up with basic things. Sleep. Food. Hygiene. If I don’t take care of the basics, I don’t stand a chance of tackling that which will placate my psyché.

Being outside is nice. I need to do that more often. I know better than to spend too much time by myself in a cramped room, yet I do anyway.

Chili. I forgot to buy pink beans. For whatever reason, my dad doesn’t want meat in his chili. Which doesn’t make any sense. If my Grandma made chili without meat, I’d say, “Hey, where’s the rest of the chili?” At least, my mom’s mom. She’s such a Grandma, she could throw leftovers together to make a chili and it’ll still taste better than anything else. My mom made the meatless base for my dad. We don’t really keep a reserve of raw meat, so I went out to buy some ground beef and some sausage. First things that came to mind. My sister once made some fake taco stuff (she’s vegetarian), and the only thing redeeming about it was the pink beans she used. I made a mental note, and this was the first time I had a chance to use them. …Except I forgot to buy pink beans. Next time, I say.

I also bought some plain yogurt while I was out. Higher concentration of protein per ounce than the smaller containers. I figure if I don’t like the flavor, I can always use it for protein smoothies. Man, that is such lazy eating. One batch makes around three glasses’ worth, over 800 calories, and over fifty grams of protein. Delicious.

I’m simmering the hell out of the chili. It looked too dry before. I quickly cooked the beef and sausage, drained some of the fat out, and tossed the chili base in. Added a little bit of water, and now it’s starting to look like chili. Whatever ‘chili’ is, anyway.

Meh, another day gone by.