I Suck And That’s Sad.

Status Report

Wearing: Nothing, I’m shower-fresh. Okay, that’s a half truth. I have a towel in my hair, and a towel wrapped around me.

WinAmp is playing: Nothing at the moment.

Last ate: Chicken.

Last round of masturbation: This afternoon.

Entry Start Time: 9:51 PM

What I’d like my DiaryName to be: Dissident.

Based on Esther’s “Senses”.

Bleh. I suppose I was a little off before my shower, but I’m okay now. I’m helping Jannnnnnnney with that wacko who has been emailing her. Nobody messes with my girlies and gets away with it!

As I said, I’m shower-fresh. I had a really strange thought. It had to do with language and meaning. If you say the same thing to two people, you might get two different answers. For example, if you ask someone, “What is a tree?” We all know what a tree is. But, what a tree is to you is different from what a tree is to me. Even though, though the means of the human language, all the meaning gets zapped out and put into the prepackaged word, “tree”. What a “tree” is in your brain is not the same as what “tree” is in my brain.

A tree is a thing, let’s try something a little more abstract. My specific thought was of Big G. If I say “God”, people all know what I’m talking about. Yet, at the same time, what people think about God and what God is differ from person to person. Finding differences among two different religions is too easy. Consider two people of the same religion, who subscribe to the same “beliefs” about Big G. Are they really the same beliefs? If they read the same text and hear the same surmons, won’t their interpretation differ slightly? I’m talking about differences that are simply a product of how we perceive the world and assimilate information.

Words. Words are symbols, we can not at all communicate what we’re really thinking. I mean, hell, we think in words. Language is so complex, yet so utterly insufficient. How does one describe a beautiful sunset? How does one describe a good meal? How does one describe a good orgasm? How does one describe an essay, a thought, an idea, a BIGGAYDAN?

And so I was standing in the shower, and my next thought was the mere concept of Big G. I assert that nobody’s concept of Big G is exactly the same. We all have different influences, different ways of processing things. I can say “God”, but the word obviously symbolizes something very different to me than to a lot of people. I think my thought was something along the lines of, “How can you possibly know God if you can’t even articulate it’s existence properly?” If that possibly makes sense. Oh hell, I probably sound high.

Do you understand? Of course, that’s a silly question. It’s impossible for you to understand like I understand it, even if what we’re thinking is 99.9999999% alike, it’ll never reach 100% without us having the exact same brain down the last cell, and the same exact neurons firing.

*yawns*

I said I wouldn’t get behind in schoolwork, but what do you know, I already am! And really, why not? Due dates always seem so far away. What am I behind on? Readings, that’s all. This will sound strange, but it feels like all my classes are going really, really slow. Maybe I’ve *gasp* adjusted! I had this crazy notion that 300 level classes would go faster. Apparently not.

I need to get a haircut this weekend. I meant to last August, but I just never got around to it. Still crave taco salads. I’ll probably go home this weekend. I can’t do it that often, because I simply don’t have the funds for it.

I feel rather useless. So many things I could be doing, but doing none of them. Eh, at least I’m helping Jannnnnnnnney in her cause to expose the teacher writing naughty things. I don’t know how long I can keep up writing as an ubersubmissive schoolgirl. Sad thing is I’m starting to get into it. *laughs* But, still, it’s getting repetitive.

I should start a list of projects I’ve started but haven’t finish or something. Maybe I’ll watch The Matrix this weekend so I can get inspired to work on BIGGAYDAN Enters THEREPUBLICANMATRIX. I already know what I’m going to do. I just need little details. Oh boy, the things I have in store for BIGGAYDAN.