I just want her to see the good things in me.

My parents make me very paranoid. If I’m sitting here and they make any noise, I flinch like a mofo. Or if they say anything, they just seem to tick me off; I noticed that a while ago.

Wendi doesn’t have that effect on me at all.

Was The Man again today, as we were undermanned. We normally have four people out, but today we only had three. Thankfully, associate Mike was on floor, so we didn’t need to worry about that. If he wasn’t there, it would have been a LOT worse. It wasn’t that bad, honestly.

When I opened Monday, I had a lot of free time in the morning. I relaxed. Today, I didn’t get a chance to sweep once. I remember seeing Angie sweep bakery, and I felt bad because I didn’t get a chance at all. I don’t like feeling like I’m disappointing her. She pushes me hard. Then again, she pushes everybody hard. What I like about her is that she’s very visible. She’s not the type of manager to hide in the office all day. If there’s any amount of customers that we clearly can’t handle without inconveniencing, she’s the fastest to do something, as opposed to how the other three managers are. At least, that’s my opinion.

For the record, Angie isn’t a bitch at all. If we get chewed out by a customer, she’ll come over and console us. She encourages us to have a bite to eat and relax, in the morning. So long as there’s no customers and the coffees and creamers are good, of course. Then again, on Monday, I didn’t sit down for too long. I’d sit for a second, get up while still chewing. (Everything bagel with cream cheese.) I don’t see how Sam gets bored. There’s always something to do, and never enough time to do it in.

One of the wax papers set fire when it touched the inside of the toaster. My reaction was to place it on the counter so it would burn out by itself. Angie and Vicki scolded me, telling me to put it on the ground and stamp it out. Instinct? I’m supposed to know this? Fuck you, my instinct is to avoid putting something flaming on the ground. My instinct is that if it hits the ground, the place will burn down. Probably a result of being used to carpets.

I’m far too sensitive for my own good, and I need a way to disarm myself. Hmm. I said I didn’t want to disappoint Angie. That sounds like how I used to be towards my parents. I’ll have to try reminding myself that I’m just doing the best I can.

I stayed an extra forty-five minutes, of my own volition. My intent was to restock and do the pan-out sheet. I got suckered into doing other things here and there and… Whatever. I was still on the clock, and everything was in pretty good shape for the closers. That was my goal. Make it look good for the closers.

I’m being encouraged to nap. If only I had somebody to snuggle with.