I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I’m trying to give myself a chance. Don’t stay up too late. Get up early-ish. Maintain some good habits. Eat. Eat. Eat some more.

I don’t even remember when finals ended.

It feels like finding a job gets worse each time. I either shut down, or dumb luck saves me. Dumb luck has saved me two out of the three times. My luck is up.

Even trying to write it out, so I can later observe myself, is difficult.

I seem to have a model in my head of how other people do things, even though that model is not grounded at all. I can’t try to be like other people, I have to find what works best for me.

I managed to look through yesterday’s classifieds. It’s a sense of relief to be able to say I did it. I don’t do well indoors. So, logically, I should be outdoors. I run into problems because there’s nowhere to go. But that’s an assumption. I can move ten feet and sit outside on a wooden bench, and my emotional make-up changes drastically. To help give myself a chance, I ate a chicken salad sandwich. I do good if I multi-task an unpleasant activity with food.

(Third meal of the day @ 2 PM, go me.)

The whole drive-around approach was never effective much with me. After all, there’s plenty of jobs that most people wouldn’t see. Beats me how I’d find them.

I think part of it is that this is a reflection of my life. Staring a the classifieds now is no different than staring at the classifies in seven months. I’ll be just as blank. “Okay, now what do I do?”

I try to put a positive spin on it. I remind myself, “Hey, that means your options are pretty much open!” Trying to sell myself a positive mood like a used car salesman. You get a chuckle out of it, but are otherwise not entirely convinced.

I think I need to put that aside for now, and try an employment-related move tomorrow. I’ve noticed that my room has fallen into disarray – again. Shouldn’t take that long to clean up, but still, I hate cleaning my room. THERE’S NO ROOM. Time to suck.

a beautiful letdown.

May 22, 2006

Cassie

I got my job by going into the store and asking for an application. Couldnt get the better one because its required you be 19, but its like 45,000 a year. Not bad, not bad. Pull a Nike and Just do it!

I taught swim lessons and lifeguarded at your age, good pay for pretty easy and fun (outside!) work.

stars of blue

yeah, I’m in the same boat as you…and the dumb luck thing I believe applies to most of the population, unfortunately…woo Being outside is good…a chance to clear the brains.

gypsyincarnate

The job thing is sucking for me right now too.

*hug* Rose

Steps to finding a job: 1. Look at classifieds, either online or in the papers. Highlight the ones that might work for you. 2. Put together a resume. If you need help with this, ASK ME. You can also do a search for resumes online and use them as a model. You have experience at this point. You need a resume to prove it. 3. Mail or fax the resume to the places you highlighted. You can

also include a cover letter, but it’s not necessary. A lot of the job ads will specify what they want you to do– either mail the resume, or come in with a resume and fill out an application. Then, you wait a couple days, and start making calls. “Hi, this is Tim Sitara, I sent in my resume/application a few days ago and I just wanted to see if you guys got it alright.” Let them know you’re

interested. Then be persistent. Call back a few days later if you haven’t heard from them. Eventually, if you apply to enough places, you’ll get an interview, and then a job. You say you’d like to be outdoors. Maybe you could do lifeguarding, or work at a wildnerness summer camp. Maybe you could be a camp counselor. Maybe you could do mental health work. It’s entirely up to you, and whether

you have experience in those areas isn’t necessarily important. If you think of a job you’re particularly interested in, you could look up places online (for example, when I decided I wanted to work in mental health, I looked up residential treatment centers in my area), then call and see if they’re hiring/taking applications. Sometimes a call is all you need. Bottom line is, Tim, it’s

not as complicated or scary as you think it is. Don’t let this overwhelm you. It’s a basic skill that you just happen to have not been taught. If you need help, ask for it. Other than that, I’m kind of keeping a low profile right now. You can do this. You know you can do this. If you are really in dire straights, you’ll come to me- but until then, it’s up to you to figure out what happens now.

As always, I love you.

I’m kinda feeling the same way. I keep checking everywhere online I can think of to find job openings. Other than that, I don’t know what else to do, and nobody seems to have anything open that’s acceptable, that I can do and might like and pays well, something that’s a step up from here.

Cleaning anything sucks. Especially bedrooms and bathrooms. Good luck with that. 🙂 RYN: I had the bathroom door closed the entire time I was gone. That’s why I’m more worried than anything else. The more I think about it, the more angry I get. Luckily, Oscar seems to be fine. Otherwise, I would be predicting a pretty unpleasant argument later today.