I bought boyundies.

So, I went and bought some boyundies today.

I probably have more underwear than some girls. I mean, if I add it all up. Right now, I wear bikini briefs, but I still have a collection of g-strings/thongs, and boxers. I haven’t worn tighty-whities since I was twelve. Frankly, I never saw the point of them. I always felt like I was falling out of them. What the hell is the point of the fly, anyway? Pretty easy to just unzip and pull down my boyundies, than to fish around in briefs to try and find one’s penis. Meh, whatever. If I wanted to flop out, I’d wear boxers. I was into g-strings for a time, as I liked how they held my package without squishing it. Bikini briefs have the same effect, and keep my bum warm in the winter.

What was I talking about?

Oh right, I like to periodically buy these underwear, as every time I do, there’s different patterns. Do I really need 12 more boyundies? Hell, my top drawer is almost exploding with underwear. But underwear is one of those things you can buy yourself that you can enjoy repeatedly. What’s even better than new underwear? Old underwear that you just can’t let go of! There are two that I don’t particularly like. I don’t remember why, but I have two jockey-brand bikini briefs. One, the fabric is too thin, and two, it squishes me too much. My package needs room! I also have two other jockey-brand that squishes me too much, but I kind of dig the spandex in the back. I generally don’t like lifting with them, but I suppose I’ll keep them around.

Red is my favorite color. For whatever reason, any colored boyundies tend to be blue or green hues. Maybe I should be glad my favorite color isn’t yellow or orange. I’m surprised nobody’s capitalized on the general lack of variety of underwear for penised-types. Why can’t I get school-bus yellow bikini-briefs? I can see the commercial for it already.

Okay, maybe not, but I’m still jealous of panties.

I also bought a two-pack of wife-beaters. (Not pictured. Ha ha.) I really love the two black wife-beaters I have. While I wear the white ones either to the gym or under clothes during the winter, the black ones suit me well in the summer to just wear. I couldn’t find any small ones, so I got one that was one-blue and one-black. Close enough.

I also wanted to buy socks today, but I came up emptyhanded. I’ve been ranting for years about how you just can’t buy shoes anymore. Everything is classified to all hell. Who decided this? I buy the simplest, cheapest kind of socks. Which, naturally, is not sold at the two places I checked today. (JCPenney, and then Kohls. I should have checked Sears or something.) I like buying tube socks. And as retarded as it sounds, I can’t find them anywhere. Not even BJ’s sells them.

When I was growing up, I’d get a ten-pack of tube socks for christmas, and I’d say sarcastically, “Thanks, Dad.” And that would be that, socks were never an issue. What the fuck happened? Every last pair of socks I see have a fucking heel on them. This annoys me to all hell for two reasons. One, you can get double the wear out of tube socks. Yes. DOUBLE. In the long term, I just alternate which side gets the heel. Most of my socks would have been destroyed years ago if I didn’t use this strategy. In the short-term, sometimes you’ve only been wearing socks for a few hours and took them off, and don’t feel like getting another pair out. In that case, I again flip them over to even out the soiling. The second reason is that none of my tube socks bunch up around my toes. Last time I went to get socks, I accidentally got some that have a heel. I don’t know why, but they tend to bunch up around my toes. THAT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

I may even go as far as the Internets, as this is now officially The Quest for Tube Socks. Fuck man, just fuck. How the hell can you screw up socks?

Timmy’s packaaaage. Mmmm.

I love underwear! I like for my bra and panties to match my outfit…even if no one is going to see them! Is that weird?

i think i have two pairs of socks. and like 500 pairs of underwear. i love it. and i’m so not a girly underwear person. but i have hundreds, in pink, light pint, fucia pink, almost half of my collection is red. then all the purples and blacks. i’ve never had blue underwear. unless you count a satin pair i wore to go swimming when i was thinner. no green either. maybe i’ll change that.

i have pink paisley. that might work for a man butt.

well i wasn’t offering them to you. but on the other hand, i guess you can’t go out and find them in mens… you’re going to have to start shopping at gay clothing outlets. too bad you don’t live in LA.