I Am From New Jersey, Part II

You know that “Piney” isn’t referring to a tree. What the hell is this in reference to?

It’s a “sub” not a “submarine sandwich” or worse yet, a “hoagie” or a “hero.”

You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.

You knew that the last question had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only “New…” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it (like, try …Mexico, …York, …Hampshire (doesn’t work, does it?). I actually disagree. Where is Hampshire? Where is York? I know that Jersey is in France. So if it’s necessary for them, it’s necessary for Jersay, bitch

You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.

Same is said for pastrami

You don’t think, “What exit” (do you live near?) is very funny. If anybody said that to me, I’d curse them out. And, more over, I don’t know exit numbers.

You know that the real first “strip shopping center” in the country is Route 22.

You know that people from 609 area code are “a little different.”

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton – that’s for out-of-staters.

The Jets-Giants fight has started at your local bar/high school/parking lot

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.

Every year, you had at least one kid in your class named Tony.

You know where every “clip” shown in the Sopranos opening credits is.

You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall. Actually, I’ve never been there nor do I have any idea where it is. I only recently discovered the Short Hills Mall, by accident. And I do mean by accident. I was driving randomly, and THERE IT WAS. Only in Jersay can you accidentally FIND a mall.

You’ve eaten a boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.

You have a favorite Atlantic City casino.

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

You’ve never pumped your own gas. I do have to go out of state, sometimes. But, I must say, I enjoy that I can stay in my warm Van during the winter while the Arabs freeze their turbans off. I’m not being racist, the people who pump my gas are typically Arab. One guy who I’d get a lot was named Muhammed. *nods*

Every 3 miles you drive there is a deserted strip mall.

Most of your cash is in dimes and quarters.

You learned to drive by backing out of your driveway onto a 50 MPH road. I pity the people that live off 206.

You find yourself defending the state, no matter how much people rag on it.

When seeing Jay & Silent movies, not only do you understand all of the jokes, but can also point out where the scene is. Jokes, yes. Scenary, no.

You watched “Mallrats” and said, “I’ve been to that mall!” I wish. Though, it DOES seem vaguely familair….

At least half the people you knew in high school went to Rutgers. And thankfully it’s big enough where I’ve only run into a handful of them

You know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. Jimmy who?

Your big class trip in elementary school was to Morristown. It was to Trenton, thank you very much.

You long for the days when the Devils wore Christmas colors

You’ve been to at least one mall in Paramus.

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood. It can’t be the other way around.

You were not raised in New Jersey. You were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don’t watch Nascar, Nascar is not a sport. The parkway is.

Your senior class had to have a lottery for parking spots you had to pay for.

You have no comment for people who brag that they’ve been to New York City. I can only pity them.

You don’t understand how DC is a real city when it has no skyline. Wait, it doesn’t?

You can parallel park like it’s your job, yet you failed it on your driving test. I probably passed it on the test. Thing is. Cones suck. If they had like two brick walls, so we could judge distances, it would easier. Also, our driving tests are in parking lots. It’s a joke.

You are a natural vulture when it comes to parking spaces.

You like the smokestacks; our air is just flavored with an acquired taste.

You have a scary story about getting lost in Newark, Elizabeth, the Plainfields, or Camden.

You don’t walk… ever.

You never know if your school is REALLY closed on a snow day because all of the city’s PS-#s take up all the time on the radio.

Newark is pronounced ‘nwork’ not new-ark.

You describe traffic moving 1 mile in 5 min as ‘not that bad’.

You know the Statue of Liberty is OURS.

You consider Rutgers to be the community college of New Jersey.

You’re not really sure where your town ends and the next begins and you’re perfectly ok with that. I think it’s one of the best facets of New Jersey

You know the mob is real-but won’t admit it to anyone outside the state.

You don’t need a separate left arrow… or even a green light for that matter to make a left turn at an intersection.

You have never been to a Wal-Mart. My dad loves that damn store. I resent him for it. Morever, they’re ALL OVER THE PLACE. I can’t get away from them

The Delaware Memorial Bridge either scares the shit out of you or thrills you.

You have had deer in your backyard.

You’re not sure what state is the 3rd state in the ‘tri-state’ area… oh, Connecticut counts? It’s either Connecticut, or Pennsyltucky.

You drive a VW, Jeep, or Beemer. No.

You hold the door open for someone by accident and they don’t say thank you.

You understood everything on this list and could think of at least five more things to add. I’m going to email him about how this is Dunkin` Donuts territory. Krispy Kreme can go back to whereever it came from.

http://home.uchicago.edu/~manzalon/officialnewjersey.htm