Timmy

January 7, 2005

How To (not) Be A Customer.

As you know, I work at Panera Bread. I believe this was the fourth week I just finished. In this span of time, I’ve noticed a lot of stupidity in the general population. As I learned at ShopRite, people don’t want anything explained to them. People want to be left to their own stupidity. Never EVER explain anything that they don’t directly ask about, even if it’s clear they don’t understand something. If you do, they’ll end up looking at you funny and ultimately learn nothing.

But, anyway. Let’s make this clear: Giving us the right information in the right order ensures YOU get your grub as soon as possible, instead of us having to retype things five times because you can’t make up your damn mind. I won’t even touch on mothers who let their incompetant children order. I remember going to Taco Bell and after a while, I came to anticipate the “hard or soft shell?” question, so I learned to specify “hard shell” shortly before or after whatever taco in question is ordered. In this same way, knowing how we punch shit in helps you, as the consumer who wants to fill your face. It’s the same way how, after working at ShopRite, I learned how to correctly place my groceries on the belt so they’re easier to bag.

For starters, I don’t know about anyplace else, but the here/togo/phonein buttons are pressed after the order is punched in. 75% if the time, if I’m told the order is “to go”, I will forget by the time the screen comes up. But, I suppose I’m getting ahead of myself.

The biggest headache for us is when people request things after-the-fact. (Nevermind just trying to figure out what people want.) Specifically, when people want the UP2. (As it shows up in the computer, ha ha.) I can deal with people who specifically say “I want soup and… half a sandwich.” It shows you at least know what you’re ordering. But if you say “I want blah soup and blah sandwich. *pause* Oh, and I want that as a pick two”, I’m going to internally bitch-smack you as I void out what I just punched in. The worst is when people, after getting their drinks, decide what bread they want their sandwiches on. WTF, why didn’t you think of that in the first place, asshole? But, I keep that to myself and remind myself that it’s their stupidity which is the reason it’ll take me those few seconds more to redo their order. The computer yells at you a lot if you try to do something a certain way. Sometimes I just cancel the entire transaction because it won’t void. This happens after you punch in the person’s name.

Someone came in today and ordered a.. Actually, I can’t remember what she ordered, but what stuck out in my mind was how she couldn’t understand the difference between a latte (and the espresso in it) and regular coffee. Nevermind the difference of two dollars, what the hell is wrong with you if you don’t figure out the difference? Oh, I tried to explain the difference, briefly. But all I got was a look of a confused five year old on a middle-aged woman’s face. It’s as if I was trying to explain the difference between 2% milk and whole milk to a child who couldn’t get it. Absolutely futile.

We don’t butter your bagels. We don’t cream cheese your bagels. We will give you butter, we will sell you cream cheese, we will slice your bagel, and we will even toast your bagel, when the toaster is working. (It currently isn’t working, and a couple people walked out because of this. You’d think they’ve never heard of Lenders. Reminds me, why does Panera not have egg bagels?) Anyway, we do not actually butter or cream cheese your bagels. People come in asking for their bagels lightly buttered. That’s nice, we’ll hand you a sliced bagel, a butter, and a knife. Do it yourself. *laughs*

Why would somebody pay over five dollars for turkey and cheese on bread? Just that. I don’t get it.

I won’t even start on how the different things are made. That’s another entry. *snickers* Let’s just say I made croutons today and was amused as all hell. Ever do that, Mary?

We don’t have american cheese. Deal with it. Gouda is good. Open your damn mind and try it. I like the bravo, even though it has bacon. And I’m not a bacon person.

We run out of shit. If every time you come there’s no breadbowls, it’s your own damn fault. Sometimes, we do have some at the end of the night. Other times, we’ll run out at about five-six PM. There are no substitutions on the hot sandwiches. Why exactly would you want to take shit off, anyway? Fucking closed-minded people. It’s a sandwich Eat it. You’re not eating a whole onion, geez. I go by a fall-off rule. Things I like, I’ll put back on a sandwich if they fall-off. Things that I don’t need, like onions, if they fall off, I’ll leave them off. If you’re going to be so god-damn picky, why not eat at home? That is all Panera is, anyway, shit you could make at home, but you’re too lazy to make.

…As I was saying, there are no substitutions on the panini’s because they’re pre-made in the back the same day. They sit in the freezer until they’ve moved to right under the grill. If we had to make one fresh everytime somebody order, it would take FOREVER.

Somebody asked today, “Are you always slow, or just good?” *smirks* He couldn’t quite understand when I pointed out how there was a constant line to the door. Shit takes time.

By the way, panini looks suspiciously like “punani”, no? *snickers*

Don’t ask for a mug for your hot chocolate after we’ve already squirted the hot chocolate into a cup. It’s a fucking waste. If you want it in a mug, ask either while you’re ordering, or after you’ve paid, NOT AFTER WE’VE SQUIRTED THE CHOCOLATE. Some people don’t mind. I did a latte, and the lady asked for it in a mug. No squirting, so I asked if she minded if I just poured. All is well, and I generally don’t feel bad about wasting cups.

I saw a lady today throw a fit because nobody was paying attention to her. See, there was this HUGE line at bakery, and nobody was really paying attention to the primary registers. Brandon came over from line and helped her. Now, normally we should have somebody watching those registers. But if there’s a huge line like that, shouldn’t you, I don’t know, get in line? Generally, if the line is long, we’ll eventually start taking customers over there. Eventually. Have an iota of patience.

*yawns*

I was originally going to point out how people could better help themselves, but I guess it turned into a people-being-stupid entry. *snickers* At best, I can break the phases of order down like such: State combos ahead of time, and if known, how many. I can really fly through four pick two’s if people already know what they want. State what you want, and start any customizations with the bread choice. After all, bread is the first thing the line does to make a sandwich. (If you want no bread, just tell us, and we’ll tell line.) Speak in a normal voice, but make pauses to make sure we’re keeping up. Really, if you just give the sandwich, the bread choice, then pause for a millisecond for the five million condiments you want, I can keep up. It’s only when people start saying tunasaladlettucetomatomayotwocoffeesohandiwantthatonlowcardbread that I start to get confused. Which reminds me: Specify the low carb bread. There’s Pumpkin Seed, Rosemary Walnut, and Italian Herb. Is it bad that I have it memorized already?

After you’ve stated your food, state your drinks. Don’t wait until after the amount is given, by then we’re on a different screen. Be clear about how many of each you need. At this point, your food is done, and if you have any changes you want to make, I’ll be bitch-smacking you inside my brain. We do note good customers, those that are very clear with what they want. After all, they’re the ones that fly through, while the mom with three kids under the age of ten is going to be there for ten minutes while the little one decides what she wants. *rolls eyes* I swear, teenages are the best customers. Not to say old people are bad customers. I like old ladies. ..Some of them, at least. And middle-aged men aren’t that bad. They’re pretty simple. It’s the damn middle-aged women that demand unique everything that make me wonder.

Ugh, I digress. Me, I’ll never by the middle-aged guy who wants no onions. I’ll be the middle-aged guy who requests chicken salad with salami. *laughs* Much more pleasing to add something than to subtract. Add anything you wnat!

Anyway, I’m tired, my lower back hurts, and I’m still thirsty. I knew I should have gotten some lemonade before I left…

Amidala

January 8, 2005

i love panera bread. took me a minute, but i eventually got it all down and now i’ma pro at ordering my up2, word

raeven

January 8, 2005

lol… oh the joys of working with the public.. I waited tables and bartended for years so I totally understand where you’re coming from.

Just Dineena

January 8, 2005

It’s called customer service. I had to take some classes and bascially, you give the customer what they want. No matter how inconvenient, annoying, pain the ass, whatever it is for you, you are getting paid to make them happy. It sucks but it’s life and if your customers weren’t happy, they would stop coming and you’d be out of a job. No?

Lynne

January 8, 2005

I get complimented at Panera for ordering in the correct order: Smokehouse turkey on Country Bread No mayonanise Baked Lays And an iced tea …for here. They thank me every time. hahaha

Scarlett Starlet

January 8, 2005

thats some goood entry writing! and yeah, silly bread. Im glad you mentioned it. Iam glad im not the only one who thinks it!

Pixel

January 8, 2005

When I order my tacos at Taco Bell, the people get confused when I say it: “A chicken taco, soft shell.” Then they reply: “Crunchy or soft?”

Just Dineena

January 8, 2005

ryn: I agree. When I worked at Rite Aid, some lady SWORE up and down that this bag of dog bones was on sale for some ridiculous price. They weren’t. I was the one that set up the ad. I went to where she had found them on the shelf and showed her that no, they weren’t on sale, but she INSISTED that there had been a sign there. I gave up, sold them to her for what she said they were on sale for

Just Dineena

January 8, 2005

*sighs in mock nostalgia* This entry reminded me ten thousand times over how much I DON’T miss working in the food industry. Yes indeedy.

Eclectic Pandora

January 8, 2005

I always meant to write an entry telling people how NOT to be as customers.

originalsinner

January 8, 2005

lol@life in foodservice/retail. I did my share of jobs in retail, and people are just stupid. But, as noted, as long as you’re in that field, it’s your job to deal with the stupid,and to remember to only mentally bitch-slap them. If they’re particularly obnoxious, you can occasionally get away wit hverbally bitch-slapping them back, but you have to be careful.I used to sell appliances, and I liked

originalsinner

January 8, 2005

doing that. People actually NEED appliances. It’s when people freak over buying useless stuff that I have no patience whatsoever. I used to manage auto parts stores, and it would piss me off when people would come in, order brakes, and then ask me how to install them. I’d look at them, and tell them to take them to a mechanic. “But what the point in that? I want to save some money” they’d say. I’d

originalsinner

January 8, 2005

say “Because I don’t want you on the road behind me, after you put your brakes on wrong”. Sometimes they understood, sometimes they got pissed. Screw it.

Think of all that character building you are going thru. *GRIN* This is my fourth note with a big, fat grin in the past 10 minutes. *slight chuckle to myself since no one else will get me in my state of mind right now anyway* Good entry.

Kel

January 8, 2005

I don’t know, I don’t think it’s the customer’s responsibility to memorize the order things are punched into the register at every restaurant. If anything, it sounds to me that they need some sort of better computer system that will allow more flexibility in the way things are punched in, so the cashier doesn’t have to go back and delete the order if something’s missed.

MsJess

January 8, 2005

People don’t magically know how the order is entered into the computer. Maybe if you made a poster saying exactly how you wanted the order ordered the customer could be sure and place their order in the correct fashion *smirk* I admit, there are some asshole customers, as I have worked in sales, I do realize and recognize this. BUT! You are in the food SERVICE business right? (c…)

MsJess

January 8, 2005

This is your job. This kind of bullshit just comes along with it. You just have to deal. Because people can see through the friendly facade if you try to hard. If it bothers you this much–get another job. 🙂

MsJess

January 8, 2005

*too

MsJess

January 8, 2005

lol… a lot of pent up anger huh?

ShatteredSoul

January 8, 2005

i’ve learned to avoid most of this by constantly asking questions. someone’ll say, “i want a bagel.” “what kind?” “(insert bagel)” “do you want that sliced and toasted” “(yes or no)” “would you like any butter or cream cheese with that?” if they say creamcheese, i say, “plain cream cheese?” just to make sure they don’t want a flavored one. when it comes to cafe stuff…

Oh I remember customer service. Vividly. In fact… I was reading some entries about it earlier. I certainly don’t miss that shit… but can feel your pain. I’ll try to keep that in mind for my Panera future. 😉

ShatteredSoul

January 8, 2005

…if somoene says, “i want a smokehouse turkey and a soup,” i’ll say, “do you want that in a UP2?” if they look confused, i’ll say, “it’s a half sandwich and a soup.” similarly, if they get a hot chocolate for here, i’ll say, “would you like that in a ceramic mug for here or a paper cup?” [nevermind that the cups are actually foam.] yadda yadda. and no i HAVENT made croutons yet…

ShatteredSoul

January 8, 2005

they usually have the hispanic people who cant speak english well doing all the line prep / crouton stuff / etc and so on. heh.

Scorpio Frost

January 8, 2005

I’m only now starting to see those places but I’ve still never been to one. I need to write a Waffle House entry like I did about Target and how to have a successful experience there…but eh…maybe later. Lol.

woman in the moon

January 8, 2005

I hate picky people. The kind who complain that their pop is outdated or who want salad dressing on the side or want a glass with their beer. I had an aunt who wanted her coffee hotter. And sometimes people want napkins for heaven’s sake. Or they want to substitute something for something else. I liked your comment that it’s easier to add something than to take it out. Keep up the good work.

I *always* think that EVERYONE ON THE ENTIRE PLANET needs to work in food service for at least a year. I was never a rude or impatient person to any type of food employee, but after I got my first job in a pizza place, I COMPLETELY had a different idea of what people go through. People can get really nuts.

Josephine

January 8, 2005

I know several people that get pissed when places don’t have american cheese. Especially for their cheeseburgers. My dad will make a formal complaint, and then walk out.

“That is all Panera is, anyway, shit you could make at home, but you’re too lazy to make.”LMFAOMan, the ones I could write about the jobs I have had. Oooh..idea.

What the hell? Two notes with different tags? *shakes head*

You want a stupid order? The first time I went to Quiznos, there was a lady ahead of me in the long-ass line with a boy, maybe 10 or so. He spent the entire long wait hashing out what he wanted, and when he got up to the front, he decided to get a club without everything but bacon. He asked for what amounted to a six-dollar bacon sandwich, just bacon on bread. And his mom actually bought it.

I would’ve smacked the kid and told him it wasn’t worth it if he wasn’t going to actually get a real sub with stuff on it. Have you guys thought of putting up how-to-order signs? They do it at Quiznos, these signs you see a few times before you get up to order that say Step 1: Size, Step 2: Type, Step 3: Bread, and if you don’t say it in that order, they’ll stop and ask you step by step in order.

They have signs like that at the track, too, when you go up to the pari-mutuel clerks, saying that you have to say your bet as track, race number, amount, type of bet, horse number.

BTW, American cheese really isn’t cheese. It’s a cheese-like food product, but by a strict definition of “cheese,” it just isn’t cheese — it’s “pasteurized cheese food product.”

RYN: Quiznos is a chain of sub shops (good subs, though).

Don’t even get me started about customers and odd food orders. If you can pick it off, and you aren’t allergic, don’t spaz if it’s on your plate. <3

blondiekt

January 8, 2005

This entry is hilarious. As someone who has worked with the public in many capacities (though thank god never in food), I can sympathize. And I always want to kill people in front of me in line who take eight years to order- I can only imagine how annoying it is for you to put up with all day. Still, made for a funny read 🙂

HA! I really don’t like Panera. The only thing I like is the Broccoli and Cheese soup. Sometimes I like a plain bagel with hummus but our panera just started charging some outrageous amount for hummus so that is out now. You love indecisive people don’t you??? Couldn’t tell.

I completely forgot egg bagels existed until I read this. Now I want one. Damn you, Timmy.

I always try to be definite in my orders. I don’t mean to be controlling, but I figure, it helps the ones doing the work later. Life is a crazy thing right now with a gray line. What’s controlling? What’s holding back? It’s so complicated. Who am I making happy? Who am I offending? I just get up every morning, state my order and hold out the money I wish to pay with. And speak clearly.

*laughs* The perils of working in food retail 😉

People are stupid. When dealing with “cuztomerz”: 1. Use short, staccato sentences. Customers have tiny attention spans. (Don’t actually use the word “staccato”). 2. Try to use words with fewer than 6 letters. 3. Don’t count customers’ change out to them. This confuses them. 4. Don’t engage costomers in idle chit-chat. They have nothing relevant to say.

American cheese is patently disgusting. http://www.truestarhealth.com/Notes/1643006.html Who eats that crap, anyway? (Some of your customers, apparently, which drives my earlier point home nicely). Gimme a sharp Tillamook cheddar. A ripe Brie with the rind. Roquefort or feta on my salad. Blue Stilton in a porcelain crock. An aged Camembert.

Why is it called “American Cheese” anyway? (I’m on a roll). Have you ever heard of “British Cheese”? Egyptian Cheese? Indonesian Cheese? Chinese Cheese? *laughs*