How the speech went.

First, a basic overview. Some of you may already know the story of how I dented my grandma’s wagon with the 3-wheeler when I was ten years old. And uncle, I seriously can’t remember which one, said to me, “It takes a big man to tell the truth.” As an introductory precursor, I mentioned how I was trying to find myself, and the linchpin was emotional honesty – being able to be honest with ourselves. I said that I thought back over my life, trying to figure out how I got this way. After getting the meat of the story, I split into truth to others and truth to ourselves.

I was good for a while. I remember prof saying that you get used to being up there. Uh. No? I was jittery the entire time. Not that it really showed. I focused on eye contact, and using nonverbal communication to express my words. Eye contact is relatively easy. Just look at whoever is looking friendly at you. And ignore that ass in the back middle who isn’t paying attention. I pretty much didn’t look at the prof? Hand gestures were fine, and I tossed in a voice caricature of my proverbial uncle.

I had a pause. I swear, every time I did a run-through, my conclusion changed each time. I had a couple decent ideas, all corny as hell. My original was “The truth will set you free”. Familiar, eh? Another one I ran across was to tie in that phrase, saying, “My uncle was right, it does take a big man to tell the truth. But it takes a bigger man to tell the truth to yourself.”

I moved my notecards over, as I hadn’t even looked at them yet. I got a sentence or two out, but my train of thought was gone. I swear, this always happens. My mind goes blank. I seriously didn’t know what I was going to say next. I was at the point where I was ready to transition to the end. As in, I’d already said my points, I was ready to finish it.

The notecards were useless. I thought back to the introduction. I said something about truth to ourselves. So I mentioned that and was able to move into my secondary ending sentence, tying in what my uncle said.

I was surprised I ran about four minutes forty seconds. That long? It felt like two minutes. I felt like I barely said anything. Prof said I kept shifting my weight on my feet. Honestly, I didn’t even notice that. I pointed out that even when I’m sitting in my chair, my legs are always moving. Must be why I have such good circulation. I’d say I was mostly in par with most people. Nobody’s been absolutely outstanding.

It’s funny, I was due to be the third of the first three up, but I ended up going second. That killed me. :: laughs ::

The fourth guy up had absolutely no life. He took the idea of a friend who was killed by a drunk driver, and turned it into a book report. That’s the only bad speech so far. If someone died, don’t read off of stinking notecards. Tell us, show us! Describe! Emote! Oh yeah, he would be the guy who sits behind me and didn’t give a shit.

Overall, it was just as nerveracking as always, no it didn’t get easier as it went along, and I’m going to be just as nervous for the second speech. Oh well. At least I can put my balls in their mouth again. They found me quite tasty!

(The self-reference of being nervous about a speech, accepting it, and facing it, should have been self-evident, but I decided against actually pointing it out in the speech. I have a rule of not referring to what you’re writing or saying as you’re saying it or writing it. Uh. Even though I’m doing it right now. Shh. I also have a policy of completely going against myself!)

I got an idea last night. I wonder if he could prime his students by getting them to talk about their speech first, without actually giving it. Maybe I’ll remember next week, my mind was elsewhere during class. Heh.

And I’m so glad I lifted this morning. If I didn’t lift, I probably would have spent the entire morning nervous as hell.

I’ve been wanking a couple days in a row now. I wonder if I can wank again tonight. I hope I can. I deserve a quality wank! I gotta take care of my little organ.