How I Feel.

I dont get it ..

Wow. That place looks kinda creepy. And with that “no one can help you” thing – makes me feel like I’m in a bad murder movie. 😛

No one can help you. This is true.You have to help yourself. If I thought you were genuinely interested in doing so, I might say more about how that particular feat could be accomplished. But from what I’ve seen, excuses are your safehaven. Maybe one day you’ll say Enough is Enough.I’m not sure that day is now.

You know what?

>>we don’t really change over a lifetime. That’s not true at all. You just don’t know it, for yourself.

It would be wise to recognize that your inability to adapt beyond that fear is a reflection on you;not a reflection of Universal Truth. My dearest friends are people who have fought their demons, conquered- and ultimately made life better for themselves, and those around them. Your reality is not theirs.

The response should have been,”How did they do it?” However, I’m not surprised that you’d opt to make yourself a victim. My search is for hope.

I feel I should explain something to you, Timmy. There was once a time when I was not so different from who you are, now. I think I may have been better at concealing my sharp edges;but for the most part, the chaos I see in you, is reflected in who I once was. When I last spoke to you, my responses were indicative of a deep seated frustration- and were ineffective as a result.

Knowing what I know about your psychology, I understood that there’s little anyone could say to motivate you;it’s a wallowing sort of sickness, founded on apathy, discontent, laziness and cynical despair. It takes an awful lot to inspire a person like that to work towards change. I know;it was necessary for me to suffer absolute hopelessness and depravity before I was able to make

steps towards ‘something better’. The trick was, anything was better than the situation I was in. I had nothing to lose. With you, you’re ‘getting by’. It hasn’t reached a point low enough that to force your apathy into action. The problem is, I’m not sure that it will ever reach that point, for you. The pace of your life is much slower than mine was;

I think it’s very possible that you’ll continue to wallow- continue making yourself a victim- continue looking to others to ‘take care of things’ or turn a blind eye-and the chaos, in turn, will continue to accumulate. There lies the deep seated frustration. Knowing that there’s potential for ‘something better’, in you-and knowing that it may never surface.

It would be easier if I didn’t understand. If that were the case, I might be able to disregard you- and it still might be necessary for me to do so. In the meantime, I can’t help but wonder;When will you say “Enough”? When will you ask yourself “Why am I like this?” When will you hit the lowest point? When will you fight back? and more importantly,Will you ever?

I hope to hope. I hope one day you’ll realize that no one is going to ‘fix it’-Realize that it’s up to you to figure out the ‘why’ of who you are, and try to seek something better than ‘sometimes ok’. Maybe you won’t. But I can’t stop hoping.

Nh. Private note again, eh? Yeah. Just realized I have nothing important to say. Encouragement? I know how much that sucks. Don’t feel like trying to be encouraging. Hehe…I could be annoying. “Like, OMG, I don’t know you, but…Woooow! You are like, God. Or something.” Agh. Tenny bopper. Gawd, I’m babbling. Excuse my boredom.