Exerbabble for 12-9-6

Today’s workout:

Squat:
3 @ 135 lbs/61 kg
3 @ 185 lbs/84 kg
F @ 225 lbs/102 kg
3 @ 205 lbs/93 kg (PR +10 lbs)

Deadlift:

3 @ 185 lbs/84 kg (snatch-grip)
3 @ 225 lbs/102 kg
F @ 255 lbs/116 kg
F @ 255 lbs/116 kg
F @ 255 lbs/116 kg

current bodyweight: 157.2 lbs (-.8 lbs; weekly average of 157.9 lbs)

I’m a little distraught, to say the least. Or, was. I had butterflies yesterday and today, but I was rather confident coming in. After thrashing my legs to all hell, I was convinced I could squat 225. Hey, I wanted to squat those four plates. It didn’t “feel” heavy, either. My warm-ups were good, I had the right depth that I wanted.

I didn’t want to free-fall. I got my stance the way I wanted it, went down under control. I went to rise, and ended up pausing at that stop. Realized, “Oh. I’m not coming up.” Let the bar hit the safeties. I hit failure on squats! WOO! Heh, that didn’t bother me. I had the bar under control, so I knew I’d knock out 205 easily. I didn’t bother with 215, because that’s not a number I care about. And those were three really good reps. That, and I didn’t want to tire myself out before deadlifts.

I snatch-gripped my first warm-up, as I figured it would held my acceleration off the floor. Did my usual grip for my second warm-up, figuring I should mimic how my actual lift is going to be. I was convinced I’d make the pull. It’s rather disheartening. The first pull, I got it two inches off the ground, then couldn’t budge it. I thought maybe I didn’t get my hips down low enough, and was stiff-legging. Got a drink of water and paced, and reset myself. Bar moved two inches. Third pull, I got angry. I thought maybe I was just thinking too much. I decided to just pull the fucker off the floor. Didn’t budge. Took 30 lbs off, pulled 225 up easily so I could strip the 45’s.

I was convinced I’d have progress after kicking my own ass for five months. It doesn’t make sense. It’s not fucking fair. Of course, I’ve been down these mental pathways frequently enough not to let it get out of control. I won’t start telling myself that I’ll always be weak. 315 does seem pretty far away now, but I’ll get there. It may just be that Phase IV helped my squat. I think what’s in order is some deficit deadlifts, good mornings, and romanian deadlifts. And maybe some rack pulls for gripwork. Sigh. And a lower rep range.