Evening of 10-22-6

So much for going to bed early. I swear, every time I attempt this, I find myself unable to sleep. And I’m just not in the mood to start getting up insanely early. I can’t afford not being rested to do that.

My lower back is sore. Well, the left side. My instincts were right, and I definitely tweaked something. Man, I’m so glad it’s not a pull. I remember when I pulled something my upper back, I couldn’t breath without feeling pain. Nighttime was the worst. You’d think laying down would help, but it felt worse than anything else. No position was comfortable. I’d wake up in the middle of the night with stabbing pain. This is really more dull than anything else. The position with the least aching is on my back. *shrugs* If I COULD sleep, I would fall asleep without incident.

I’m thinking of just scrapping my other two workouts for the week. I don’t give myself rests often enough, and the lower back is just not something you fuck with. I’ll improvise an upper body workout on Wednesday, maybe toss in some back extensions to see how I feel. I actually already know what I’ll do. 50 pull-ups, in however long it takes me. Though, it’ll probably end up being pull-ups until failure, as I will reach a point where I won’t be able to do one bodyweight pull-up. Then I’ll superset DB incline presses with calf raises, then superset reverse incline flies (to take the stress off my back) with cuban rotations. Do some bodyweight back extensions to get the flood flowing back there and see how it feels, and call it a day.

I hope my legs don’t shrivel from lack of use.

I miss sex. …Well, I do!

It’s funny how memories are. Frequency has nothing to do with it. It’s all emotional power. Of all my exploits, memories of my first girlfriend are still stronger than memories of anybody else. I remember the first time my hand went down her panties more vividly than when I lost my virginity. My memories of losing my virginity feel almost like a third-person recollection, whereas I can recall Angel’s wet pussy like yesterday. Damn, she was wet.

I was just reflecting on my scent memory. I don’t forget how ladies smell. The scent of Angel’s pussy on my fingers is stronger in my mind than of the ladies I went down on. I can recall it at any time. Mmm. *giggles*

I usually have instincts about how long it will be before I have another romantic interlude, whether serious or frivilous. Right now it feels like I’m not going to meet anybody for a long time. I’ve had two girls like me, and one accidental fling since Paige. That was two years ago. Enough distance where I’ve been able to find some stability in my life. I miss cuddles and snuggles, but I don’t think I have the freaking time for an actual relationship right now. Whatever a relationship is. Hell, I don’t know what I want. I’ve just been through enough shit to know what I don’t want. Let’s hope this thing called “standards” sticks around.

When all is quiet, when my room is pitch back and nothing but the light from my LCD illuminates my vision, I hear a screaming in my mind. That’s not a metaphor. I’m still trying to understand what it is, what it’s from. I can’t identify it. One of those things you’d kind of want to go away. It’s been there for a long time, I’ve gotten so used to it over the years that I’m almost not aware that it’s there. Perhaps just an aberration.

I’ll try to sleep again. I know I have a shitload of things to do. And I’ll need a good night’s sleep if I intend to grab life by the balls.