Do you know your parents?

I forget who I was talking to when this occurred to me. I don’t really know my parents. Oh sure, after spending most of my life about them, I can tell you about their characteristics. I can recount anecdotes which exemplify their personality. But I’ll be hard pressed to recount anything that occurred prior to my birth.

Is this normal? Shouldn’t parents talk to their kids about, well, themselves? Aren’t there plenty of lessons to be learned from personal experience that could be passed on? In the past couple years, my dad has told me some stories from college. It’s not that they were bad stories nor that my dad is a terrible storyteller, but I could have used them ten or more years ago. Why didn’t he tell me these things BEFORE I learned everything on my own?

I know my mom went to college for some time. But for what? What did she aspire to be before becoming a stay-at-home mom? What was her plan B? What did my dad envision his future to be before he found his current career?

It’s not that I can’t ask my parents these questions. It’s that, well, shouldn’t they be the ones telling me in the first place? I know my Grandma loves telling me about when she got a job at an ice cream shoppe and would overportion. I couldn’t tell you a single job my mom had before I was birth. My dad wasn’t even born in this country. How was his transition coming to an american high school as a foreigner? Before my grandpa died, my dad was big on getting his “life story” or something like that. Why hasn’t he even documented his OWN life? This is why I write, after all, so I can remember and later reproduce my memories.

Anybody else draw a blank on their parents’ lives?

I know come general stuff about my dad’s life… He likes to tell stories. My mom… not as much.

poetess86

June 25, 2011

Strangely my family enjoys recounting our history. I think we do this instead of talking about current problems we have, because despite the outward appearance of talking to each other and being “involved” with our lives… we’re not a terribly close family. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I’m also spending some therapy time learning boundaries with my family.

slightly bitter

I know a lot about my mother from before I was born. Not so much about my dad. All I really know is that he didn’t finish high school, he was in the military for a time, and he never went to college. But I didn’t spend a whole lot of time with him in the first place, being that he lived in Jersey and I in NY.

I know tons about my parents before I was born. I guess this is endemic to Indian families…we’re all so closely knit.

One Angry Dwarf

How strange. I think it largely depends on the parents, and the generation. You’re just enough older than me to have parents of a different generation, where you don’t really have a “relationship” with your kids. You just kinda… Make sure they don’t die, give them basic advice and hope it all works out.

My parents, however, are just a little too old to be the typical “helicopter parents” of today, but they were a lot more involved in my day-to-day life. As I got older, my dad became a friend more than a parent, and I heard a LOT of stories. I think that’s the problem, though. Parents have to maintain their authority, and talking about their youth and their mistakes weakens that authority.

j3ssica

Sound like your dad’s parents didn’t tell him a lot of about their lives and as a result he (probably subconsciously) didn’t share his life with you. I know plenty about my mom and dad’s pasts, but they were so damn young when they had me that there wasn’t a whole lot to tell. “well, i went to high school and then i had you!” however, i really wish i knew more about anscestors and grandparents

[JerseyGirl]

I know about my parents. Where they went to school and later on college, where they lived, friends they had, and even crazy party stories. I know a lot about my grandparents too. I think it depends on how much your family likes to recount family history. It’s never too late to ask if you really want to know more about them.

Dibrom

I’m pretty much in the same boat as you. I know little details here and there, but nothing major. No stories. I always thought that perhaps they were just that boring. Now that I’m older, I realize they probably just decided to not talk about their lives. In a way, I wish I knew if they loved someone else prior to each other… why did previous relationships end? I could (have) used advice.

How old are your parents? Maybe it is a generational thing.

Scarlett Starlet

Sexy is a work in progress 🙂 A hardcore process more like it. I’ve asked my mom and dad questions, dad doesn’t care much to answer and its awkward. Mom loooooooooves to tell me all about her younger days. I’ve got enough drama going on to even think about someone elses most of the time 🙂 Secrets are ok to have. Good or bad I don’t think it’s particularly important to worry either way.

Weird. Most parents hammer it into you whether you want to hear it or not. I’ll say from experience, kids learning things on their own is the only way it’s going to happen. I never took my parents advice from their own life lessons.

RingingTheBell

June 27, 2011

My mom and I have always been pretty close in the sense that we talk… A LOT. I’m sure there are gads of stories that have gone untold, but I feel like I know her pretty well. I’ve heard stories about her days as a Mormon missionary and her conversion into the church, I’ve heard about her struggles in school and what led her to dropping out, I know she had to get in the car alone and just fail until she succeeded in teaching herself to drive a stick. So nah, I don’t think I could say I draw a blank.

I definitely know my parents.