Dinner Party.

Candi’s party was yesterday. I’d say it went fine, though I’d say it wasn’t cost-effective. I’d say we blew around $300 dollars for a party of 12 people. Candi didn’t seem to relax much during the party, instead trying to be the superhost, making sure people socialized, rather than breaking off into two-three people dots. She felt unappreciated afterwards, and kind of, “Why do I even bother?” I know she likes cooking, and I know she likes throwing her yearly summer party. I just wonder if there’s a way to cut some of the costs down and just focus on some key yummies. Maybe if we broke it into two or three courses it would be easier. Don’t know.

Erik and Liz showed up, albeit fashionably late. That meant I didn’t need to stay around Candi the entire time.

I don’t know, while I tend to recognize how socially inept I am, I kind of like parties. They imprint lasting memories, and I really like creating memories. Because without memories, what’s the point of living? Hence why I detest how bad my memory can be. I hate when I get into a set routine and don’t do anything special or out of the ordinary for a while. I like shaking things up a bit.

Though. I certain amount of routine is enjoyable for me.

I’m not really afraid of social situations anymore. I used to feel an internal pressure to “interact”. All that does is stress you out and make you more nervous. Instead, I now try to take the perspective that I can do whatever I want, and it’s really not a huge deal if I’m a wallflower. Besides, I wasn’t the only wallflower there. The only person who would judge me for being a wallflower is me. So I don’t judge myself for that.

Part of the reason I like my job is that I get to interact with new employees. Why is this important? I get nervous around new people. Training a new employee always makes me a little nervous. But I’ve noticed that with each progressive new employee we hire, I’m slightly less nervous. Maybe it’s getting used to being around new people, maybe it’s just knowing what I’m teaching. Maybe both. You don’t need to be everybody’s friend when you’re a manager, but you do need to be able to respectfully communicate with people. Kind of useful.

You know, I don’t think I’m void of tact. If I feel like it, I can be quite charming. I just have no problem being loud and obnoxious. As Cliff and all my friends know, I love voiding social protocol. It’s situation dependent. I love being polite to waiters and waitressess. And if I’m in a crowded room and need to get everybody’s attention, I like yelling, “HEY EVERYONE, I GOT A QUESTION.” Ha ha.

So, to reiterate, if I feel like being a social superstar, I can. I just don’t need to be the center of attention, so to speak.

I was telling Candi how Cranium makes me feel incredibly stupid. Every time I’ve ever played that game, I’ve gotten dead-last. You could argue it’s a matter of a collection of useless facts. Which is not my strong suit. I will say that I once won a game of Trivial Persuit against my dad and my aunt Gita.

We were playing with play-doh, and I commented how art classes as a child always intimidated me and made me feel stupid because I could never draw within the lines or take images in my head and draw them on paper. It just wasn’t something I’m good at.

In both cases, she gave me very good solutions. Except, I wasn’t looking for solutions. When we were cuddling later, I commented that we both have a problem with giving each other solutions when we’re just looking to be heard. Hey, I know I do it. If she were to say absurdly, “Honey, I’m scared of NBC”, the wrong response would be “Why the hell are you afraid of NBC?” Regurgitation seems almost mocking or belittling, yet saying, “You’re scared of NBC” is the response that would comfort her best.

I’d swear I’ve noticed this pattern in us before. I just find it curious that we both do it. We’re both emotionally sensitive and we both give each other logical solutions. It’s interesting.

It’s almost the end of July. I feel like I’ve barely gotten to relax. We had so many ideas and plans and we’ve barely gotten to do any of them. Too busy. Her internship ends beginning of August. There’s still time. I want to hit up Dorney Park at least once – I have coupons. Plus it’ll be fun. We still want to go up to the lake a couple more times. I want to play tennis with her. Badminton. There’s still time…