Daily Recap for 9-26-6

I had a really good day. Got up around 7:30 AM with my alarm. I was on autopilot making my smoothie and subsequently #2ing, washing my hands, and shaving sans creams. I had spare time. Naturally, I became complacent and ended up getting out of the condo a bit later than I wanted. Go figure.

Lifted. See previous entry. Quite meditative, more than anything else. I can’t express how much it stabilizes me. I feel alert and awake afterwards. I was a little late, so I ate the tuna & cheese that I made earlier while still in the van.

At CCM, I parked in Lot 3, which is where you park when there’s nowhere else to park. I parked where Cliff used to park, in a tree. Literally, windshield covered in branches. I got a huge kick out of it, especially when your doors close some twigs inside your vehicle. I stopped to check to make sure I had all my notebooks when Liz pulled in and honked at me. She had a british fellow by the name of Sam with her. We walked across campus. I don’t normally do well with males, but I didn’t hate him! Amazing! Must be the britishness or something.

Was not late to Yoga. Made a mental note to not start bulking while I’m taking yoga. Only effects me when I go into child’s pose. I’m sure most people feel fat when they do that.

Intro to Exercise Science let out early, so I went to the café to chill. Ran into Colleen. Liz came by looking for me. Introduced her to Colleen. Ashley came by. Introduced Liz to Ashley. Woo. About goddamn time I had my three favorite females together at one time! Informed Liz that Ashley absconded Raphael. Yeah, Ashley forgot it again. Liz later commented that she thinks Ashley’s cute. Ha ha. Damn straight.

Time was short so I went to my A&P lecture. Liz was still waiting around for me when I got out. Aw. She socialized with me to avoid Erik&Ashley. Shh, don’t tell them. ; ) I let myself have my momentary pause of, “Hey! Someone enjoys your company! ..Cool!” Gave Liz a brief story on how I met Colleen and Ashley. Honestly, there’s a lot more that I could have said, but I get really nervous when it’s my turn to tell stories, at least when I’m orating. I’m not Bill Clinton. Depends on with, I suppose. Maybe I need to be more forthright when I talk. Like, “HEY, IT’S MY TURN, DON’T TANGENT YET!” Liz is reasonable, I’m sure she’d be cool if I communicated that I need more time to storytell. Yes! I need to have more communication when I have extended penetrative conversation with Cliff’s girlfriend.

I feel like there was a lot more I wanted to comment on.

Liz shared with me an email Cliff sent her. I know Cliff, and I know his style of writing. I’ve been through his ostentatious poetic ramblings. Of which this was not. This was clear, coherent, as if he was next to me. My response was not of the actual topics, but of the emotional nature. My feeling was that he disassociates from himself and his own internal struggles by attempting to find meaning in a rather meaningless world. Don’t attempt a religious discussion unless you intend to be schooled.

Naturally, at least naturally for us, Liz and I got on the topic of the relative meaninglessness of the world, and the uncertainty of knowledge. In other words, “Why the hell should I even bother?” She suggested this is why people turn to religion. I said no, not at all. I take a human approach. Maybe for other people, it makes sense for them. But I can’t see my own motivation in that regard. Why go forward? My first impulse was due to regret from the past. We move forward to avoid moving backwards. We move forward for emotional gain. It gets very complicated when you get in the mind of someone trapped in a depressive cycle. This is why hope is a very dangerous thing.

We were talking about how, if the world is materialistic, then why bother with anything? It is assumed we need a “reason”. I deny that. How can you claim there is a reason when nobody really knows what it is? Any overlying truth of the world will be simple enough that any idiot can understand it. Purpose. Means to an end. I get out of bed so that I can move on to my next task. If I reduce it far enough, we live simply because it’s something to do. You got any better idea of what to do with our lives rather than living it? Life is how you pass the time, and I think to spend so much time with extrinsic thought is a waste of time. What good is spending your days thinking about everything else in the world if you don’t think about yourself?

Kind of flies in the face of the selflessness that some philosophies and religious put forth, but something about selflessness always struck me as odd. As I realized a while ago, if you enjoy being selfless, then it is actually selfish. If wanking to philosophical text, or Big G, or helping out poor kids is something that really pumps your nads, it’s a very selfish thing to do. At our very nature, we will do things that we enjoy, even if it’s not something we can cognitively explain. If people aren’t assholes, we’ll enjoy being just a little selfless.

I digress.

Of course, it’s entirely possible my very nature is very selfish, so naturally my prototypical philosophy would contain such a characteristic. I’ve listened to my interior monologue long enough, and the monologues of others, to the point where when I hear something that feels familiar, I prefer taking a step back to try and refute it. Things feel the same a lot. With all the disinformation in the world, it’s good to question anything that is ubiquitous. The mere ability of there to be falsehoods is something Cliff has problems resolving.

Liz and I went to the Diner, as for a few dollars more I could get better food and better ambience than the dining hall. Went to my evening Nutrition class. Got back that nutrition project I did, where I took a typical day’s food intake and plotted all the nutritional jargon. As expected, he commented on how my fat intake is, and how much milk I intake. But he didn’t comment on fiber, nor how high my protein is.

I got home around two hours ago. I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. I need to pee with my penis. I will pee with my penis, brush my teeth, floss, swish some listerine, and try to sleep before midnight. Sleep is absolutely critical. Maybe I’ll masturbate. We’ll see how tired I am. A punctuated phallic massage always helps me sleep.

Addendum: I knew I forgot something. Liz said her mom is getting a family membership to the Y. Ha ha. You can bet your ass I’d love to whip her and her smoking ass into shape.