Content.

Today was.. content.

Yesterday was one long panic attack culminating with a midterm. I mean, sure, I could have just studied for the damn thing, but I couldn’t. I tried. I tried for three days straight. I had a single goal yesterday: To just study for the damned thing. I tried, I really tried, but I was paralyzed. But, such is life. The moment came and went, and afterwards all the sense of anxiety and being overwhelmed passed.

We had a single trick or treater today. Guess apartment complexes like this don’t get little kids looking for candy. Quite a pity. I even dressed as a Starfleet Captain for the occasion. The girl and I watched Hocus Pocus. Enjoyable.

The darkness is at bay but for a single day and I recognize that I NEED to do the right things to avoid a repeat of this, a repeat of feeling like that again. I’ve already written down what I need to do. And I need to do it, do the right things to make myself feel okay with myself before it’s too late, before I feel overwhelmed and crippled. I don’t want to feel like that again. Desperately. And perhaps maybe, just maybe, I can remember this for once. If I don’t keep fighting, I’ll feel like that. And that’s a terrible feeling.

Okay, without entirely meaning to, I spent the last week or so writing on prosebox. Because IT ACTUALLY WORKS. I’m glad Jessica Emsley poked me to get my head out of my ass. I didn’t mean to jump ship. It’s just… freeing to be able to write again.

http://www.prosebox.net/box/2021/

Finally got around to dumping everything back here and OH MY GOD, I ACTUALLY WROTE SHIT. What a concept.