BIGGAYDAN Strikes Back, Part VII: The BIGGAYDAN

Kivudet found himself in the entryway of Timmy’s Mansion. So far, the sole survivor of a GAYMADMAN. He turned around and saw the front door was closed. He went towards it and checked to see if it was locked. It was. He pondered what to do with himself. He knew he’d be dead by the end of this entry. Or so it was written.

“There’s a GAYMADMAN out to kill me. There’s only one thing to do: Take a shower.”

He went upstairs and into his room. He disrobed and grabbed a towel. He locked the door to his room, made sure his windows were locked, then went into his private bathroom, locking the door behind himself. He checked that the window was locked and closed the shades, out of fear that he might have a BIGGAYSTALKER. He tossed the towel onto the counter and entered the luxurious shower. So luxurious, Timmy designed it himself.

“Oh, hi Cliff!”

“Hi girls. And guys. Um. The usual.”

The shower was actually a rather large room with jets of water coming out of places. Timmy calculated that at least thirty people could shower in it without assistance. Kivudet closed his eyes and let the hot girls and boys run their soapy hands across his body. He let himself relax. Death? What’s that?

He didn’t notice a naked BIGGAYDAN coming up behind him, carrying the DOUBLEDONGOFVENGEANCE. BIGGAYDAN pushed the drones aside and hit Kivudet on the shoulder. He fell to the ground, thinking he was fatally injured.

“OW OW OH SHIT I’M DEAD THE PAIN.. Wait. That barely hurt.” Kivudet got up and faced the dripping wet and nude BIGGAYDAN. “You’re pretty gay.”

“Yes…”

“Well, see you around.”

Kivudet quickly walked out of the shower, avoiding an embarassing slipping on the shower floor. BIGGAYDAN followed him. Kivudet turned to face BIGGAYDAN as BIGGAYDAN exited the shower. He thought about his options. A thrilling chase through the Timmy Mansion, while being completely naked.

“You know what, BIGGAYDAN? Fuck you, you’re not killing me.” To prove his point, Kivudet threw himself against the window, blasting through and falling to the ground. He crashed onto the ground with glass everywhere. BIGGAYDAN looked out through the window and saw his naked ass lying on the ground. Using his BIGGAYPOWERS, he jumped down and landed onto the ground without effort.

Kivudet quickly realized he wasn’t dead. “Aw shit.” He also realized that, aside from the pain of landing, he didn’t have any broken bones. “Fucking horror movie logic.” He stood up, and noticed he was bleeding profusely from many places, as the glass had sliced him. BIGGAYDAN lumbered towards him. “You’re not killing me.”

He ran his naked, bleeding ass away from BIGGAYDAN. How to kill himself, he wondered. He ran towards the far fence, with BIGGAYDAN not far behind. He took a big breath and put his hands onto the fence. “AAAHHHGHHGGHHSGHHAAHAHGHGHGHGH” Successfully electrocuting himself, Kivudet fell to the ground. He openned his eyes, noticing that he wasn’t dead yet. “Fucking Timmy not making the fence strong enough.”

BIGGAYDAN stood over him, his GIANTMANCOCK taunting him. They looked at each other. Trapped against the fence, Kivudet had a single option. He reached up and grabbed BIGGAYDAN’S balls. “Ahhhooowwwwwww..” Using his balls to help himself up, Kivudet rose and ran away from BIGGAYDAN. He ran as fast as his naked ass would go. So fast he didn’t see a tree root in the ground. He tripped on it and went flying into a steak that was randomly in the ground. Going right through his heart, he was completely impaled. “Aww awww steak through heart ahhh random.. spazzing.. death…” He stopped twitching and lay slain.

BIGGAYDAN looked over Kivudet’s corpse. He smiled. He laughed. “They’re dead!! Yes!! They’re finally all dead!! I win!! BIGGAYDAN is the winner!!!” He started dancing in victory.

“Not exactly.”

BIGGAYDAN turned to face the voice. “..No. It can’t be.” The pain in BIGGAYDAN’s chest grew.

“It is.”

“I killed you, Timmy…”

BIGGAYDAN clenched his fist. His eyes widened and his brought his fist to his chest. His naked body falls over with a grunt.

“I so foreshadowed that he’d have a heart attack.” Timmy snaps his fingers. The steak disappeared from Kivudet’s chest, and he rises, apparently alive. And clothed, too. The rest of his formly slain buddies fall from the sky, unscathed. Kivudet walks over to the now dead BIGGAYDAN and lightly kicks him, as if checking to make sure he doesn’t come back to life. He looks at Timmy and shakes his head. Timmy says to him, “Never kill yourself in a story unless you randomly write yourself back into it. Duh.”

CAST

Starring

Edward Norton as BIGGAYDAN

Timmy as Timmy

and all Timmy’s friends as themselves.