BIGGAYDAN Strikes Back, Part I

I suppose there was a time when I wanted BIGGAYDAN to be our BIGGAYHERO. Someone homosexuals everywhere could look up to. But, unfortunately, BIGGAYDAN himself didn’t want that role. Regardless of the roles I put him in, the struggle became not him and his homosexuality, but him and me. Me. Timmy. The writer. It was only a matter of time before this conflict came to pass.

Timmy was writing quietly in the Lisa Electron room of his giant mansion. Typing away another adventure of BIGGAYDAN. He wondered when it could get old. How many times can he make fun of BIGGAYDAN’S homosexuality, or lack thereof? He wondered what BIGGAYDAN thought of him. He finished the latest Adventure of BIGGAYDAN and posted it on Open Diary. After checking his notes fifty times and staying up far later than he should have, he decided to retire for the night.

BIGGAYDAN doesn’t note Timmy anymore at least not the way he did before he became BIGGAYDAN. After Timmy posted his little story, BIGGAYDAN happened to read it. A story entitled, “BIGGAYDAN Strikes Back.” He read the little story, well aware of pain growing in his chest. I’m.. not.. gay.., he mumbled to himself. He swallowed slowly and clenched his first. So he thinks I’m gay, eh? I’ll show him how gay I am… He pounded his fist against the desk, rose, and stalked out of the room.

Timmy was naked and settling in for a night of nude sleep. Brushing his teeth in his bathroom, he pondered the story he had just written. Funny how I love defying the laws of physics. I wonder what would happen if BIGGAYDAN and I really did live in the same town and went to the same High School. He was about to go into bed when he thought heard something. Someone was knocking on the manor door. This is damn peculiar.

Tossing on his sexy red bathrobe, Timmy went to answer the manor door. He casually openned the front door. His calm pull was overpowered by the thrust of the person shoving against it. A large gay man rushed at Timmy and forced him to the ground.

“BIGGAYDAN?”

BIGGAYDAN easily overpowered the weakling Timmy and pinned him to the ground. BIGGAYDAN moved his face close to Timmy’s and breathed in his face while keeping a casual grip on his throat.

“You know, that little story of yours gave me an idea. Maybe it’s time I did show you how gay I really am, you son of a bitch. I’m fucking tired of you messing with me and my INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND. What did I ever do to you?”

Naturally, passive, Timmy tried to talk this over. “Hey um. Dan! Buddy ol` pal. Can we talk this over a can of Vamp?”

BIGGAYDAN smacked Timmy across the face. “Shut your face, asshole. I’m going to do you real good…” He somehow managed to whip out his GIANTMANCOCK without letting Timmy from getting up. He then flipped over, pulled out a knife, and cut Timmy’s shorts away.

“Uh dude, what the fu..”

BIGGAYDAN smacked him again. Without warning, BIGGAYDAN shoved his GIANTMANCOCK up Timmy’s TIGHTPINKANUS. Timmy’s eyes opened up wide.

“HOLYSHITDUDEYOUDIDN’TUSEANYLUBEANDTHATREALLYHURTSAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

And so BIGGAYDAN assraped Timmy on the floor of his own manor.

***

Kivudet awoke from his bed somewhere inside the Timmy mansion. He went to bed early the night before, after staying up excessively late. He did not hear the screams of Timmy. He jerked off, showered, jerked off again, ate breakfast, and jerked off. After his subsequent orgasm, he wondered, “Did anybody get the paper? Hmmmm.” Kivudet wandered towards the front door. He was almost on top of the body when he noticed it.

“Oh god damn it, who’s going to give me rides now?”

Kivudet scanned the body. Clearly assraped. Bruises all over his body. He couldn’t figure out what the cause of death was, beyond severe anal rapage. “He obviously didn’t use any lube..” He pondered who could have done such a thing. “He could have written about him getting two chicks at the same time. But nooo, what did he write about?” He sighed and walked towards the nearest phone to do typical post-death things.

“We’re definitely going to need another Timmy.”

***

Magically, there was a funeral that same day. Since he was a Timmy, the mayor of the town showed up and gave a stirring speech.

” … I know we’re all saddened by the sudden loss of our Timmy. He was so… Timmyish. His penis was so tiny. His balls were so huge. So many OD girls wanted to have 2452134 of his babies. But, even though he’s gone, Timmy will live on, through us. For Timmy has touched us.. in.. so many.. tender.. ways..” The female mayor paused to blot her tears. “But, the show must go on. We’ve got a big day ahead of us! It’s the day of The Big Game, The Big Prom, The Big Parade, The Big Schoolwide Testing Extravaganza, The Big Gang Bang, and of course, The BIGGAYDAN. Yes, today is definitely a Big Day.”

Assembled to honor their fallen friend, Kivudet, General Disk Error, and Grunge were all wearing thongs. Under their clothes, of course. General Disk Error was the first to speak after the funeral procedures.

“Okay, I don’t give a shit if he’s dead, I’m NOT wearing this damn thong for the rest of the day!”

Grunge agreed, “It feels like butt floss.”

Kivudet laughed. “You dumbasses. I said have it on you. I didn’t say wear it. I have my thong in my pocket. I’m not wearing that shit.”

Grunge shook his head and sighed, “I just don’t get it. Why would anybody kill Timmy?”

General Disk Error and Kivudet looked at him “Damn it, Grunge, you’re a jew,” they said together.

Kivudet explained, “If you bothered to read his entry, you’d know it’s obviously BIGGAYDAN out to prove to Timmy what happens when homosexuality.. bum bum bum GOES WRONG! But, that’s right, you’re poor and you don’t have a computer.”

The General said, “BIGGAYDAN killed Timmy pretty much as ‘BIGGAYDAN Strikes Back’ said he would. Show up at his door right after he finished the entry, and kill him by assraping him to death. Which means…”

Kivudet nodded. “We’re next.”