BIGGAYDAN Enters THEREPUBLICANMATRIX, Part II

Part I

BIGGAYDAN decided to follow the lead of the butt plug. All he had to do was follow these JESUSFREAKS.

“Oh, JESUS. I thought you said He-Zeus. I’m sorry, I have all their action figures.”

Again, the JESUSFREAKS were confused.

“We’re sorry, we’ve never heard of He-Ze..”

“Oh, it’s okay. Listen, I’m not doing anything. Wanna go BIGGAYJESUSHUNTING?”

The JESUSFREAKS shrugged. “I don’t know, man, only if you’re paying. Wait, what kind of Jesus are you into?”

Now BIGGAYDAN was confused. Again. “The kind that gets resurrected?”

The JESUSFREAKS smiled. “Didn’t we make it clear when we explained the butt plug? We’re a big fan of Jesus Fucking Christ, the porn star. We have reason to believe he’s starred in a few gay porns, but we’re still in search of obtaining them. What are you, some kind of JESUSFREAK?”

Eventually, the confusion subsided and they were on their way to a sex shop the JESUSFREAKS had never been to. In search of Jesus Fucking Christ. Despite the fact that the sun was about to come up soon. “This sex shop is special”, the one JESUSFREAK justified. BIGGAYDAN was expecting a small little shack. What he saw was a mini Las Vagas. Neon boobies lit up the sky. Giant video screens playing pornos illuminated the early morning. BIGGAYDAN heard nothing but the distinct moaning of a girl orgasming. And he could swear he smelled pussy.

“We’re going to go find Jesus!”, the JESUSFREAKS told BIGGAYDAN, “If you wanna help, go ahead. I heard there’s a querky gal in the nudie booths. Just ask for The Enchanter.”

BIGGAYDAN wandered into the sex shop, noting how his DOUBLEDONGOFJUSTICE was of superior quality to the flimsy products displayed. He thought about getting a STEELCOCKRING for his GIANTMANCOCK, but decided against it. He noticed the back passageway to the nudie booths. There was a heavy-set man standing there. Bouncer, BIGGAYDAN reasoned. He decided to go for the direct approach.

“I’m looking for The Enchanter.”

The bouncer almost laughed.

“..The Enchanter? Ha ha. We get people coming in here all the time to see him. Er, her. Well. He’s sorta a she. And she’s sorta a he.”

“Uhh. Where is she? Or he?”

“You know where he is. But, I must ask you three questions first. What is your name, BIGGAYDAN?”

“My name is.. you just said my name, it’s BIGGAYDAN!”

“What is your quest?”

“I.. I don’t have a fucking clue? You think I know why I’m at a sex shop in the dead of the morning?”

“What is your favorite color?”

“See, Timmy doesn’t know that, so he can’t add that to the plotline. I think he wants me to pretend it’s the color of cock.”

The bouncer paused for a second. “You may pass.”

“But, where do I go?”

“You already know where to go. You’ve made the choice already, BIGGAYDAN. You just have to make it.”

Thoroughly confused, BIGGAYDAN went onward into the NUDIEBOOTHDUNGEON. Another BIGGAYMALE behind BIGGAYDAN moved forward to the bouncer.

“Yeah, is Scary Mary in tonight?”

“What is your name?”

“I don’t have a name, this is an utterly pointless scene which does nothing to further the plot in any way.”

“What is your quest?”

“To be scared out of my wits by Scary Mary.”

“What is your favorite color?”

The nameless man smiled. “I love the cool refreshing color of cock in the morning.”

The bouncer paused for a second. A blast of wind later, the nameless man’s clothes was ripped away and replaced with kinky bondage gear, the kind Bang Bang Bruce wears. Some girls in Domintrix outfits grabbed him, and he was taken away. He screamed, “I mean, wait, I love yellow! I love the color yellow!”

The bouncer chuckled to himself. “These kids have got to stop lying. I hate to see them dressed up in that rediculous bondage gear.” When he felt the wind, he realized what he had said. “Oh shit.” His clothes were replaced with Bang Bang Bruce style bondage gear in an instant. Domintrixes grabbed him and hauled him away. “Okay, I like seeing them get hauled away! But. Ow, I DON’T WANT A BUTT PLUG!..”

Part III