BIGGAYDAN and the GIANTBOOBIEOFDOOM, Part I

Newcomers to the BIGGAYDAN series will probably want to read The Legend of BIGGAYDAN. Or not, whatever.

It was one of the rare weekends that BIGGAYDAN was spending time with his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND. Maybe BIGGAYDAN was distracted. Maybe his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND was on her period.

They were making out when his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND broke the kiss and asked BIGGAYDAN, “Do you like my boobs?” She thrusted out her chest at his face.

BIGGAYDAN sighed and assured her, “Yes, honey, your PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES are wonderful. Can we keep kissing?”

“Do you think I’m fat?”

“No.”

“Are you just saying that?”

“You’re the hottest person I know!”

“You think I’m fat!”

“I DO NOT. I LOVE YOUR BODY AND THANK GOD EVERY DAY THAT I GET TO KISS EVERY INCH OF IT.”

This seemed to appease his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND, but she didn’t seem completely convinced. She cupped her PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES and said, “You just don’t seem as interested in my PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES as you used to.”

BIGGAYDAN took a moment to admire his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND’S PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES. They really were a work of art. Just the right size for her body. Not too large, not too small. They stayed taunt in mid-air, defying gravity. Soft skin. Perfectly rounded orbs. Perfect circular nipples. Boobies that just screamed, “KISS ME, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.” Perfect. He realized he’d been with his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND so long that he was starting to take her PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES for granted.

“Your boobies rock.”

“I don’t think you believe that.”

“I just spent the last paragraph thinking about how perfect your boobies are. I think I believe it.”

His INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND reached for a shirt and suddenly, her PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES were hidden from his view.

“BIGGAYDAN, I don’t think you should be allowed to view my boobies until you realize just how beautiful they are.”

BIGGAYDAN nearly pissed his pants. No boobies? NO BOOBIES?

“Oh, come on honey, let’s talk about this! I love your boobies, I really do!”

“Maybe you do, but I’m not in the mood to let you see my PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES. Maybe I’ll let you see them next week if you tell me just why my boobies are so perfect.”

“But, I can do that right…”

“Nah ah ah. I said one week. Now, who has the Vagina in this relationship?”

“Um, you do.”

“That’s right. Respect the authority of the Vagina, BIGGAYDAN. You wouldn’t want to disobey the authority of the Vagina.”

“Um. Okay.”

BIGGAYDAN spent his entire 5123412342134 mile trek home thinking about how he’d prove to his INSANELYHOTGIRLFRIEND that her PERFECTLYROUNDBOOBIES really are the best boobies in the entire world.

— cut to black and white flashback —

Timmy is in a room, surrounded by boobies. Not girls. Literally, blobs and blobs of boobies. Kind of like tribbles, except smooth and hairless. Timmy is naked and clearly aroused. One boobie is large than the others and comes up to Timmy’s waist.

“Boobies… I’m in heaven…”

The large boobie spoke, despite having no clearly defined mouth or vocal box, “Yes, Timmy. Heaven. Come closer and suckle on me…”