Angry Ronso, Hidden Guado.

When you love somebody, I don’t see how you can go back to your previously scheduled life. Words of moving on and getting over and justifications for leaving one’s love are all just rhetoric to convince oneself. It’s the right thing to do, right? When you have a friend whose heart needs a hug, you give words of encouragement. And you have to tell yourself that you’re doing the right thing, even though you know you’re doing the right thing. It’s just hard to forget that you love somebody.

I haven’t been online in a long time, it feels like. Nor have I been here in a while. I’m reminded of how Paige thought I wouldn’t survive without internet. She underestimated me. For the past week, I have taken up asylum at Cliff’s. It just felt like the thing to do. There, I’m happy. There, I laugh. There, I never feel bored. The way he’s letting me take up residency on his couch, I feel like I should do something to show him how much I appreciate his hospitality.

I did, in fact, make it to Indiana. That was my goal. Just go there and see what happens. I’m not at all surprised at what happened. As I said to my dad, we reached an impasse where several compromises needed to be made. We decided so many compromises couldn’t be made, so we split. Simple. I don’t feel like getting into details. Details. I love her, I don’t want to think about her.

So driving back those eight hundred miles, there was no question about showing up at Cliff’s. As much as my family has expressed how welcome I am here, I didn’t want to come back here. As if staying with Cliff will let me avoid the problem at hand. It’s all in the mind. Since driving back, I think every day, “What next?” I think of what to do with myself, and it only depresses me. I’ve taken a hit and I have every right to be upset. I need time to heal. But not too long.

Anyway, I told Cliff I’d be back after I dropped his girlfriend off and dropped most of my stuff off here. I’m almost done eating. And I have a blitzball craving.

(For those that couldn’t quite get it, I drove to Indiana two Tuesdays ago. Paige and I had some differences and we split for good. I drove back that Saturday. I’ve been at Cliff’s since then. I love her, I’m hurt because I had to let her go, and I’m trying to avoid all thought of her and moving on with my life. I dropped Cliff’s girl off on my way back to my parent’s condo. I just finished eating good chicken. And I’m going to Seymour Guado.)