An Environment That Demotivates Me.

Today isn’t going all that well. I know this. Maybe I’ll just cut the day in half and consider the hours before now a different day.

I actually napped. But since it was before noon, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. After all, I was seriously sleep-deprived this week.

I sense something nasty. Moodwise. Wanting to sleep constantly? Becoming vegetative? Forgetting to eat? Well, not necessarily forgetting, but not really wanting to. As humans, we’re constantly eating. And I eventually tire of it. I think of food, and sometimes nothing good comes to mind. I like to enjoy food, have it taste good. I don’t want to just shove something in my mouth because it’s Good For Me.

Is this me shutting down? I’m nervous that I won’t be in the mood at all today to do the minimal amount of schoolwork I have. As a rule, if you give yourself one day to do something, it’ll take one day. It’s conservation of time. If you give yourself twenty minutes to do something, it will take twenty minutes. As long as I’m here, I’ll feel like I’m just waiting until I’m ready to be academic. Which may not happens.

And by not wanting to eat, I mean I find eating to be an annoyance. Some have expressed that they wish they could pick up this trait.

For the record, I made a burger for the first time in a month. Haven’t been in the mood for one. Tastes good.

“You have created an environment which demotivates you.” Cliff, years ago

As long as I stay here, I’ll feel the same. I’ll try to turn off my brain, my emotions, and escape. Crawl into a hole. Feel sorry for myself. Feel like shit.

Well, my reaction time is getting better. I recognize that I should take a shower. I should get out of the house. I don’t want to work out. So I won’t. I’ll call Cliff. The excuse that I have homework is bullshit. The excuse that there’s not enough time is bullshit. The excuse that I have class in the morning is bullshit. I need a distraction, and a good one.

*sighs*

I have to do something.