Afternoon Update for 3-6-6

I read through the first three chapters (what the exam is on), and I’m scratching my head for what I was supposed to have learned. She better not expect statistics. Because I don’t memorize statistics. That’s just not something I do. *nods* There’s some stuff she gave us that’s in my notes. Yeah, I suppose I did take notes at some point.

I completely neglected to say anything about the C++ exam. I uh. Still don’t take this college seriously? I remember at Rutgers (there I go again), exams weren’t about the tools you learned, it was about already knowing the tools, and writing algorithms on the spot. You can literally learn something new on the exam, depending on the problems. This exam was so freaking basic. I didn’t study, I’ve only done a single program, and I probably did just fine. Oh sure, my syntax was off a little, but you don’t need to try a “BE CAREFUL!” warning on me if it’s a problem where there’s a single equals, when there should be two equals (to signify equivilance). I know, i can’t spell that word.

*burps softly*

Liz is sitting across from me doing.. something. I waited until she sneezed before to get her attention. *smiles*

I’ve fallen into the trap of reiterating a Story about myself. We all do it. Cliff brought up this concept when we ran into this girl at a 7-11 who, well, had a Story. (I thought I wrote about this night, but apparently I can’t find it.) For this girl, she had bad things happen to her, and to make herself sane, she crafted a story for herself. It isn’t anything extreme, we all do it. Most people have a rather positive or uplifting story to tell.

(pause)

Liz came over to talk. *smiles* She was telling stories, and otherwise communicating how domestic she and Cliff have become. Oh sure, she doesn’t cook, but I sense it.

She communicated how she rarely feels like she’s having a conversation with Erik. I chuckled quietly, as we’re in the lab, and stated that I’ve felt that way for years. I also mentioned how I ran into his parents in the grocery store on Saturday. Mmmhmm. Same thing with them, you never feel like they’re really there. Oh sure, they’re nice people. Just. *shrugs* Just a feeling.

She told me how Cliff rarely leaves the house. …*nods* He’ll say how he has to watch the fish, or has schoolwork to do. I know him, those are just excuses.

Whenever I disappear, people just don’t bother finding each other. Obviously this hasn’t been on purpose. As Cliff says, “We need a new pasttime.”

Liz was telling me about her dumb coworkers. I now have a new motto.

“I could be stupid.”

No matter what happens, well, I’ll never be dumb. A comfort.

I get thrown off because I’m not sure what I’m going to eat, if I go out. That’s really strange!

But anyway, time has evaporated. Stories. I’ve become the story of the genius who couldn’t make it through college. The trick is not necessarily a story which is positive, but a story I’ll believe. The story of a boy who conquered everything is not a story I’ll buy into.

What makes me happy? My story will undoubtedly require something related to that.

Yeah, my train of thought was stunted. Funny how I can say to someone, “I’ve been depressed.” with a smile on my face. Remind me later, SOCIAL INTERACTION MAKES ME HAPPY. It’s an involuntary emotional response. Seeing Liz makes me happy. Seeing Cliff makes me happy.

Must. Do. Something.

But first, I have to go wing an exam. Grawr.