A Gay Revival.*

Have I mentioned my desire to resurrect BIGGAYDAN in my next nanowrimo novel? The Revenge of the Attack of the Return of the BIGGAYDAN Part I: The Beginnings of Gay. The epic story of how the world calls upon BIGGAYDAN one more time to use his gayness to SAVE THE WORLD. I’ve just been thinking about it for the hell of it, and I forgot how I lot of it completely wrote itself.

I mean, for starters, he needs an antagonist or arching obstacle to overcome? I thought for about a second and a half: Russia. RUSSIA HATES THE GAAAAYYS. BIGGAYDAN TO THE RESCUUUUEEE.

The puns. The PUNS. I will do anything for a pun. I will find a way to write in a Fudge Factory. Because.. Do I need to even explain just how many Fudge puns I could make? I could do an entire quota dedicated to Fudge puns. My god, I may die crying while writing this.

The hardest part, strangely, is where to place myself. The running gag with BIGGAYDAN was that I was the omnipotent author, completely dicking with him the entire time. I’ll figure it out. Though, I expect some Archer-esque “Woooo!”s along the way.

I’ve actually had this entire concept in my head for a while now. It’s a pity I flat-out won’t have time to write it this year. “Oh, write it on the side” you say. I don’t operate that way. Open deadlines simply do NOT work with me. I’ve learned to operate under nanowrimo because it forces me to get everything done NOW.

You see, I’ve always wanted to write a movie. And while BIGGAYDAN Strikes Back is the closest I’ve gotten, it also lacked heart. It’s the biggest challenge, as all of my completed novels to date have had a HUGE heart in them. Lacing dick jokes in with emotional poignancy is my forté.

I mean, come on. Why would the world call upon BIGGAYDAN? Clearly there’s a general who has a gay daughter. And he loves his gay daughter and hopes she’ll grow up and marry a gay man. “In this house, whites go with whites, gays go with gays, and my gay girl is going to find a gay man and you’re going to make gay babies as gayly as gays can gay!” IT WRITES ITSELF.

But the arch, the plot. That’s going to be the hardest part, and something I intend to mull over this fall in lieu of actually writing it. Because the scenes of hilariousness I’m not worried about. I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR A PUN. A booby-trapped castle? Clearly filled with banana peels. Retrieving the DOUBLEDONGOFJUSTICE? Clearly just rip off the origin story of the Master Sword, DUUUHHH. Isn’t it so obvious? Doesn’t everybody think exactly like I do?

(Of course not. NOBODY IS AWESOME AS I AM. MUAH HA HA HA HA!)

The older I get, the easier it is to be immature. When I was 12, I didn’t know anything of the filth I know now.