Quick like a band-aid

Ok, well…after this past week with Kyle and the attitude the boyfriend has been taking with me recently I have decided above all else that this has to end. I absolutely can’t keep stringing the boyfriend along like this anymore. He isn’t stupid…he knows something is wrong.

Granted, something has been wrong with our relationship since before anything even happened with Kyle, but now the boyfriend is finally starting to take a hint. I’m pretty vocal about what is wrong in the relationship. Mainly…I’m not happy. He knows that I hate that he doesn’t treat me the same as he used to. He knows that he will never be the gentleman that I want to be with. He knows that I hate the way he completely trashes our house all on his own and then complains that I’m not cleaning it up for him because he is working late hours. I would be more than willing to go out of my way to do nice things for him if he would just appreciate me a little bit…just a little.

At this point its just too late to fix things, and I think he knows that I am giving up on him. He tried to have a long deep discussion with me last night, but all I really wanted to do was sleep so I wasn’t too willing to provide insight. Tonight he wants to talk about things and I am excited and terrified at the same time. Let’s get right down to it…I’m not afraid to lose him as a part of my life (which just doesn’t seem right since i’ve been with him for 2 years), but I am scared that I am going to hurt him beyond belief.

The dream world situation: A quick painless breakup, just like ripping off a band-aid. I say, “I’m not happy, you’re not happy, we can’t go on not being happy, so we need to get out of this relationship to save our sanity.” He says, “Ok, great…let me start packing. I’ve been interested in seeing someone else anyway.” Quick kiss goodbye and we’re done.

The hella scary situation: He goes completely nuts when I tell him I don’t want to be with him, drinks a ton, drives off on a rampage, hurts himself or someone else, has a complete mental breakdown right in front of me, starts breaking stuff…oh, the list could go on and on. I just hope none of that happens, because I can’t handle that right now.

What will most likely happen: We can’t completely break up right now. He’s prepared for it when it happens though. He’s still upset and I’m upset for making him upset. There is crying involved and I feel guily and selfish. He will go from being upset to angry and leave the house for a bit to be alone. He’ll come back cold and stolid, not wanting to talk to me or look at me. That’s pretty much his style. He will play the whole “I’m the victim, woe is me” role, which is fine, but he won’t even take into account the fact that if we both weren’t happy the whole relationship was pointless.

Ok, now I’m just rambling trying to get things straight in my head. This is almost a practice session before the big event. Who knows…I may even chicken out tonight. We’ll see. I’ll write a little update if anything monumental happens.