Packed bags and a test drive theory

He packed his things Friday and just left. He didn’t like where the conversation was going, decided he didn’t want to deal with it in person and left on a road trip to see his friends. Maybe its for the best, but I just wish we could have faced each other like adults and talked things through.

He called later and basically agreed that it was over, because I wasn’t happy at all and he couldn’t hang on anymore without a positive response from me. It was bittersweet really. He told me that he would be looking for jobs an hour away where most of his friends live. He told me he would be taking all of his things (which boils down to most of the furniture/things in our house).

I was prepared for that, and I will sit on the rug and watch the TV sitting on the floor while eating soup out of the only bowl I will have left when he leaves. I’d do without all that furniture/kitchen crap for a year if it meant happiness and freedom and living my life how I want to. He’ll be back tonight so we can figure out the logistics of the break up. Not going to be a fun night…in fact, I am dreading it, but this has been band-aid quick so far.

Now for a complete and probably too personal subject change…I spent the entire weekend with Kyle. Yes, three nights in a row and let me tell you…still no sex. Well, not for lack of trying.

Just a little interlude here to explain myself. I am a firm believer that sex is not all a relationship is about, in fact, I think you should establish all feelings before you sleep with someone, because it does change things sometimes and cloud judgement. However, I also think that you want to make sure there is sexual chemistry in a relationship. You know…as bad as this sounds…take the guy for a test drive. Now I am not implying in any way that this is appropriate in all situations, but only when you are seriously considering being with someone for a very long time. Well, I just learned how important the test drive is…

So 3 nights in a row with him: I am the first to admit that I was nervous as hell even thinking about being with him for the first time, and Friday night I chickened out hard core….you know, just got all shy and what not. So my fault. Saturday night we basically just teased the hell out of each other all night long because we realized that we didn’t have any protection. So last night I thought for sure we would have all the kinks worked out….turns out we didn’t. This might get too personal for other people to read, so turn back now if you want…

Ok, you had your chance. Well…we were completely ready, finally everything was working out, I was comfortable with him and before he even got the condom on…he came…yeah, just like that. I didn’t even touch him. Maybe it was nerves, I don’t know. We both just laughted it off and I told him that he could wake me up whenever he wanted, *wink* *wink*. Well, he did at about 5 in the morning and THE EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED! He was embarrassed and apologetic. I told him again and again that it was no big deal, but I am lying there thinking, what have I gotten myself into.

I still couldn’t leave him now anyway. I love the way he kisses me and touches me and holds me too much. I love how I can sit around and do nothing with him and still have a blast. I’m assuming things will get better and better. I’m also assuming his little problem isn’t really a problem…hopefully. Practice makes perfect right?…lol. And if it doesn’t, I’m going to need some serious advice. All in all a great and eventful weekend.