Expect Greatness

But it will probably fall short, m’dears. This is a lesson I continually learn. Let me expound, will you?

I have an active imagination. I like to dream up scenarios and imagine what I would say/do/think in said situation. For example:

I sat at home the other day, thinking of nothing really, when I looked at the time and realized that Joe would be home soon. I smiled because I’m always happy to have him come home at the end of the day. I found myself imagining him walking in the door, smiling his goofy glad-to-be-home smile and saying "Hallo? Anybody home?" (he frequently says that exactly thing, even though he KNOWS we’re home). I imagined stepping into the kitchen and embracing him, giving him a big ol’ kiss and saying "Hello Darling!" Then, I realized I’d like a different scene, so I back my thoughts up and pictured him walking in the back door (the door we most often use) and step into the kitchen, where I stood, perfectly coiffed and cooking up something that smelled guaranteed to be delicious. I imagined him walking to the stove, where I stood stirring gently, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and murmuring a ‘Hello sweetheart’ in my ear, before whirling me around for a hello kiss. *sigh*

15 minutes later, he walked in the back door, looking beat-down tired. I was sitting at the dining room table reading a trashy fiction novel. Piper was screaming at Yani for something or another. Miles was in his bed, after having gotten in trouble 1.6 million times that day and Joe said, ‘Hi.’ I smiled up from my book and said ‘Hi.’ I got a quick smooch on the forehead and he trudged in to say hello to the annoying kids that we call daughters. Next thing I know, we’re throwing something barely palatable together for dinner and he expresses his crappy day at work with crappy co-workers and even crappier clients. *le sigh*

My point is that things are never as grand and well-thought out as we’d like them to be. I am often disappointed in myself and others for not living up to my ‘expectations’ and this is absurd! No one could live up to them, even if they *knew* them, which they don’t because they exist *only* in my head. *urgh* Why do I let this happen? Why do I let myself have lofty expectations that are unreal?

I have no idea. I do know that I’m trying very hard to *not* have them, but I cannot seem to beat down the stupid romance novel ideals that I get into my head. I need to be stimulated with something new and fresh. Something that absorbs so much of my brain power that there’s nothing left to waste on silly thoughts. Anyone feel like teaching me calculus via the internet? Ha. Yeah, right, that’d just turn my poor little brain to mush. I’m not very good at math.

I don’t know if this entry ever had a conclusive point, it was just something one of my fav’s made me think of in her entry about soundtracks to our lives. (Hi Megz!)

Well, I think that’s all the rambling I have in me today.

Join us tomorrow as we explore the recesses of Tia’s subconcious again. Can Tia combat the evil lurking fears of the dark? Can she just go to sleep without thinking of the possibility of some freakish accident taking the lives of her family? Will she realize the sheer unliklihood of a train derailing and skidding a block and a half away from the tracks to crash directly into her home, exactly where her children are sleeping? Or will she toss and turn and allow her over-active brain rob her of much needed sleep? We’ll see you tomorrow!

~Tia