Why so much more this time…*

 I find that i’m most reflective with rain beating against the windows and a cup of something hot within reach; with soft melodies leaking out speaking of truths, joys, and heartbreak. 

I’m most myself dressed in something comfortable with hair wild and free, and something used to create in my hand; a paintbrush, a pencil, a Bible, a journal…

I dive in and out of memories; reliving treasured touches and mouthing whispered words. 

I think deep down, we know…we know when it’s the end of something. 
In the small moments leading up we can feel the tears, the fragments chipping off, the cracks in the foundation…we know what is about to happen. 
We just don’t like to face it.  
i didn’t want to face it.

“why so much more this time?”  
Because, i knew then and there that it was over.  
I knew that it was a final goodbye, the last mile of the journey…the closing page of a really good book. 
That’s why…that’s why it was so much more; because i was prepared for the ending but unwilling to read it.  

Years later, i’ve found that i’ve read our ending over and over again. Basking in the finality of the decision and have long come to a place of comfort and true peace with the closing of our story. 
There will be no epilogue for us. 
& i’m blissfully ok with that.

But it doesn’t mean that i don’t like re-reading our story. 
There were great memories, beautiful moments, epic declarations of emotion, and haunting echos of fights. 
We were a force.
A middle-ground of embarrassingly cute and a little dash of confusion. 
We were different, as all relationships are. 

& i smile when i think of you. 
I hold no bitterness, no ill-concern towards you.
I wish for nothing but love, triumph, and success in your life. 
& i hope you get it. 

Maybe one day our paths will cross, even as un-likely as that is. 
& we can laugh, hug, and catch up on where our roads have led us. 
Until then…
…create a beautiful epilogue.