So often…

 I fail.
All the time, more than once a day, and sometimes in a way that is utterly shameful. 
We all have secrets.
Secret sins that we allow to build up within the dark places of our souls that we think no one will ever or should ever know. I was convicted during church today about honesty. How often are we truly honest with one another??
It isn’t like i walk up to someone i’m just meeting and say, "Hey! I’m Amy, i struggle with lust and speaking my mind and i absolutely hate roaches and love long conversations, nice to meet you!"
That would just be a little weird—right?
I dont know. 
Tonight i was doing a devotional (after completely failing at sin and being convicted and then getting in the Word) from Utmost.org. It’s the daily devotionals by Oswald Chambers, and every single time they kick me in the face. 
Today’s was about conscience. 
WOW. This part humbled me to my core:
God always instructs us down to the last detail. Is my ear sensitive enough to hear even the softest whisper of the Spirit, so that I know what I should do? “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God . . .” (Ephesians 4:30). He does not speak with a voice like thunder— His voice is so gentle that it is easy for us to ignore. And the only thing that keeps our conscience sensitive to Him is the habit of being open to God on the inside. When you begin to debate, stop immediately. Don’t ask, “Why can’t I do this?” You are on the wrong track. There is no debating possible once your conscience speaks. Whatever it is— drop it, and see that you keep your inner vision clear.
That’s hard to read right?!
The truth is…i suck at getting things right. 
Most of the time i fail at a LOT of things and i throw dirt on God’s name. 
. . .
The beauty that i’m learning though is that despite my evil, hideous, humiliating sinful nature—God loves me relentlessly. 
He doesn’t give up on me, ever.

That’s just a little something that was plaguing my mind tonight