low point

 When your 6 year old cousin says "Amy, are you pregnant?" you know thats a low point. 
I’ve gained so much weight that i resemble a pregnant woman. 
No, i don’t have a beautiful child growing in my tummy….just lots and lots of carbs, sugar, and nasty. 
I honestly can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. 
I eat out of pain, boredom, hunger, frustration, anxiety, etc. 
I’m an emotional eater, i’m a boredom eater, i’m a mindless eater. 
I hate who i’ve become yet i’m too lazy to change it. 
I’m always TALKING about changing myself, about getting healthy, about loosing the weight. 
But it never happens. 
I stepped on the scale tonight and literally almost vomited. 
This is NOT who i wanted to be at 22. 
I can not continue down this road or i will struggle just like my father did. With heard disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart attacks, etc. 
This is not the life i want. 
I want to be healthy, fit, active, thin, and HAPPY. 
I want to keep my curves, i will always be curvy. I don’t want to be a size 4 or 6 or maybe even an 8. 
I’d like to be a 12, a nice healthy curvy 12. 
Its where i’m at. 
This is my low point. 
And no, my sweet young cousin, i am not pregnant.