Lately…

 Do you ever find yourself at home alone on a Saturday night allowing yourself a moment to sit down, have a glass of wine, and think. Think about life: the past, present, future. Think about our culture, our world, our nation. Rift through childhood memories, and re-live some of the most hilarious moments of your life. Relish through all of your first kisses with a person. Shed tears over regrets and mistakes made…all the while respecting that each and EVERY choice has brought you to this point today. 
i’m a thinker…and i honestly love that about myself. 
. . .
Life lately has been slightly a blur to be honest. I’ve been talking with this guy, Jeff, and well…i don’t think that is going to work. He seems very out of touch with what it means to pursue a woman. All in all he seems like a perfectly sweet guy who has plenty to offer–but i don’t think he has plenty to offer for me; and i am more than ok with that. God has truly brought me to a place in my life where i feel that i am FINALLY comfortable and accepting and completely at peace with my singleness. Now, that isn’t to say i don’t have my moments here and there…but overall i am happy with where i am in life in regards to a relationship. 
Relationships do not define me. 
I actually enjoy curling up on the couch watching a movie by myself; or spending the night cooking and cleaning. I like not pouring myself out and becoming vulnerable with a man and having to put forth effort into a relationship. All relationships require effort and time and sacrifice and i am actually happy to not have those to deal with right now. 
I know what i’m missing…and i know how beautiful relationships are; but i also know how draining they are. 
I guess all of that to say, that while i wouldn’t mind having someone to cook for or curl up with while watching a movie—i’m content with not havingsomeone.
. . .
Work is going well. It’s been pretty slow these last few months, but i think we’re starting to see a pick-up again. Real estate definitely isn’t a passion. However working with amazing people, and being blessed with a job that not only allows me to pay the bills, but also save is an incredible blessing. 
. . .
Ministry…
I’m still–struggling. I’ve been volunteering at a friend’s youth group for a few months now. I was disciplining three girls and two of them graduated this past year and are now out of my D-group and in a college one, so i’m left with one fantastic girl. Im’ not sure where God is leading me, and i’m honestly afraid. My friend is working with a new church plant and i’m trying to see if that is where God could be potentially leading me. I have yet to visit the church–and i think that is out of fear as well. I’m afraid that if i visit i will feel at home and then i know that the Lord is driving me back head-frist into student ministry…and i’ll have to clean up my act. I’ll have to get out of this little pit that i’m in and actually be responsible for studying scripture and teaching teenagers. I’ve gotten complacent, comfortable even, with not chasing after God…and that isn’t ok and i know that i have to get out of this pit and start chasing after HIM. I’m getting there, one day at a time. 
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Bro…
My brother is in his sophomore year of college, how the heck did that happen,when did that happen?! He’s growing up so quickly and is starting to really step into his own and become an adult, i guess it’s just weird to think about. We’re still close, but in a different way. Time keeps moving forward which means that people and relationships change and that is completely normal and ok. I can’t wait to see his face again, Fall break needs to hurry up and get here! ha. 
. . .
Three of my girlfriends just had HUGE life changes:
Jessie got married in May, Ashlee is engaged and is moving to Hawaii & Kaylee is going to be giving birth any day now! I can’t really believe it. The three girls who i spent basically every weeknight/weekend with from age 6-17 are all starting families! I am so incredibly happy for them, and it definitely causes me to sit back and reflect and smile {and cringe, ha!} on the memories i share with each one of them. 
. . .
I’m living…and i’m trying. 
I am going to attempt to start writing in here more–to express myself more often and actually get things out. 
I’m sorry i’ve been so slack, i guess sometimes we just need to step back for a beat and allow ourselves to breathe. 
<3