I had a moment…

 Last night my house was full of friends i love. There was laughter, meaningful conversation, and memories made. 
One of the couples has two children, two incredibly awesome children. We were keeping them entertained while mom & dad ate. A group of us were sitting on the floor around the coffee table eating our food, chatting, and holding little MC. When her daddy walked out of the room (without anyone else noticing) she started to cry. Maria was holding her and asked in her mom voice "What’s up MC? Why are you crying little girl?"
I nodded towards the kitchen and replied "Her daddy just walked out, she’ll be fine."
A simple sentence, full of truth, and said without much thought. 
Yet it completely catapulted me into a moment.

Seriously.

After my moment i sat there with my mouth hanging open and that weird since of deja-vu happening but not being able to fully explain my thoughts. Let me see if i can clarify it better a day later.
I had a moment…a flash-foward moment if you will.

My house full of people i love, another cook out, more laughter, more meaningful conversations. 
There was still a baby, being distracted while mom & dad eat, and when i say"Her daddy just walked out, she’ll be fine" it was my child i was speaking of. 

It was a surreal moment. I saw a glimpse of what i might have one day, a husband and children. 
It stirred something within me.
Will i be a good mother?
A good wife?
Will i be at ease in parenting and have the maternal instinct or will i struggle through it for a season?

I’ve always said that i wouldn’t have "full patience" for children until i have them. I don’t mean that in the sense of i don’t love children, in fact i really love children. I’ve just never been the type of girl to volunteer for babysitting or when i see a child have that i can’t wait to have babies vibe that all of my girlfriends seem to have. 
At least not until recently.
Recently i find myself captivated by babies. 
Wondering what kind of parent i will be.
Thinking of nurseries?! 

I dont know, it’s weird. Maybe my "biological clock" has started ticking. 

…and since i’m being transparent. 

I had another moment last night. One of my girlfriends is getting married next year. It’s going to be awesome and her and her fiance are so great together…i can’t wait to be a part of and share in their special day. She said he made a little joke involving me (nothing new, we all pick on each other). I didn’t let it really affect me in that moment…but looking back it’s true.

You see Maria & I (Maria is my roommate) are always each others plus-ones. We don’t have boyfriends and we enjoy hanging out, dancing, and being silly so taking each other to weddings/events just makes sense. So for their wedding coming up she said that J made a remark of something like "well we know Amy & Maria don’t need plus ones"….and then he corrected himself "Well you never know Maria might have a boyfriend by then"…aka saying i wouldn’t. 

It’s fine really, i’m not overly offended or anything…i have pretty tough skin. I guess everyone has just gotten used to me being single, heck i got used to it a long time ago. 4 years of nothing serious makes it the norm. 
I’ve talked to a few guys here and there, even had the whole he told me he’s pursuing me deal but something always shuts it down (obviously God). It just is never the right time, person, personality match up, what have you. It isn’t easy finding a guy here…i tell my family all the time "there’s no one here"…and it feels true. They are either too young, too old, married, or not looking. Great combinations. 🙂 Do i miss going out on "dates", having someone to share my life with, learning more about their heart, helping to carry each others burdens, absolutely. But i try to not dwell on it…or invest too much emotion into that thought process. 

So by next march when it’s time for the wedding i’ll be completely ok, and expecting to have Maria as my plus-one. She’ll be a great person to hang out with along with our other friends. I’m not going to let it really get to me. God’s timing is His, not mine, and i’m learning to trust in it daily.