Fire.

I love the smell of a winter fire. The flames dance through the air and bring to surface many memories of nights curled up full of laughter and love. It’s intoxicating for me, as weird as that may sound, it helps to keep me grounded and at the same time it offers freedom. Fire is one of the most beautiful and profound metaphors that I have found applies to my life. Fire can be destructive, damaging, detrimental, careless, and selfish; yet it can also be refining, beautiful, cleansing, hopeful, and a new start. I’ve had my share of both fires in my life, damaging and refining, and I am thankful for them.
 
I’ve been in the fire for a while now, and I believe I’m finally walking on coals. My body is burned, my feet are still burning, my flesh is damaged and my spirit is weak. However, when I am at my weakest, HE is strong. While in the fire I didn’t always see it as beautiful, cleansing, and refining…especially not hopeful; it sucked. Now that I am a small moment past the heat I can begin to turn my head and see the beauty that was working within the flames. HE is not done with me yet, and I know that there will be more fires ahead, but I’m glad to call HIM mine and to know that HE loves me intimately and desires for me to be made new.
 
I am an over-analyzer and maybe this is why I cannot look at things at just face value. When I see a fire it isn’t just a way to stay warm or to cook food, it is a much deeper concept and theology begins to apply to it. The same things happen wherever I look at nature: waters, trees, flowers, growth, etc. it is all connected to God’s beauty. Call me crazy, but its something I’ve learned to love about myself.
 
I’ve gotten some amazing encouragement from friends, peers, and a past professor in the midst of all of this church closing drama. Rhett, one of my closest guy friends from college told me, “The Amy I remember would pull me aside after class and whip out the latest book she was reading, such as Starving Jesus, and would lay it on thick on how as Christians we should be living. Amy you need to be reminded of how it once was before the doors closed to your church. One day when the time is right, another door WILL be opened to you and you need to be ready. Psalms 20:4 “May HE give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.” God gave you the desire for the ministry for a reason. You may have been given a blow in the chest from the ministry, but the passion is still inside you somewhere. Find it. You were not born to be a statistic.”
It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. God is not through with me yet, especially not in the ministry. I can either choose to A. continue in this pity party (I mean that’s what it is) and wallow around in my hurt and pain from what all has happened or B. I can recognize that there WILL be hurt and pain and that it is ok to process, take time, and heal from these wounds but it is my responsibility to continue to push forward and build a relationship with Jesus.
I choose B. I will not be another statistic, I will not fall prey any longer to being distracted and to letting Satan win. My life is more precious in the hands of God.
 
Now…
Tonight I will be going to a youth ministry that my friend Sean leads. It will be a time for me to be around students, leaders, and the Word of God and sit on the sidelines. I think it’s going to be good for me, refreshing even. I’m at such a weird place within my ministry (with it being non-existent and all) that I’m not sure what God has for me next. I’m ok with the waiting; I struggle with the patience within the waiting. =)
 
I’m about to start reading “Starving Jesus” by: Craig Gross & J.R. Mahon today for the 2nd time. I’m very excited about the challenges it’s going to bring to me. The first time reading through the book it took me a solid 8 months of picking it up and putting it down because of how challenging and convicting it is. So again, I’m excited.
 
Thanksgiving will be here before we know it and I’m being reminded of how unthankful I can act. I have so much that I’m blessed with, so much that is beautiful and good in my life and yet I choose to focus on the negative; enough of that. I’m looking forward.
 
Where is everyone at today? Are you looking at the fire as damaging and painful or as beautiful and hopeful? Where are you in your thankfulness to God? There is always so much to think about, so much to pray about, and so much more to be thankful for. <3