Choices

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Choices.
Every choice we make is going to affect us or shape us in some way. I know some of you might think, no…not EVERY choice; but yes, every single choice. The food you eat, the music you listen to, the movies you watch, the clothes you wear, the items you spend your money on, the people you hang with, your beliefs, your morals, your spirituality, etc. Your choices begin to define you.
Now, I realize that we can make bad choices, mistakes, things we wish we could take back; but we learn from them.
We have to be able to take ownership of EVERY SINGLE CHOICE.
I take ownership (even though I don’t like to) that my weight is where it is at because I make the conscious (sometimes unconscious) choice of putting unhealthy food in my body and not exercising enough.
Choices.
 
There are times when we make “bad” choices and we don’t get caught, and then there are times when we do. The truth of the matter is, it shouldn’t matter if you get caught or not you need to always be able to stand behind your choices. If you can’t stand behind them then you realize it was a mistake and that you need to learn from that bad choice.
 
So why the rant on choices?
Lets just say my brother, cousin and his friend made a bad choice this weekend and it put me in a horrible position. Do I tell their parents, or not. At first I was going to “let it slide” but the more I thought on it the more I realized that they need to take ownership of their choices and this could be a great learning experience, even if it sucks.
I told them yesterday that I’m giving them until Friday to tell their parents themselves or I will tell them. Some people might think I’m a “tight wad” or whatever, but the truth is that if my child was doing something that I deemed wrong I would want to know about it.
 
I just pray that my Aunt & Uncle’s reactions are in a loving manner. Their reactions will tell my cousin whether or not he can come to them about something again. They can be upset, frustrated, disappointed, etc…but it’s all in how they respond.
 
Here is an email I sent to my friend Beverly that explains where I’m at this morning:
. . .
I hate being the bad guy. i know, i know i’m "not the bad guy"…My brother is just SO PISSED at me. Gave me the cold shoulder all night and i asked him to just tell me whatever it was he needed to say and he was all "i have nothing to say to you" and i was all "do you still love me?" he goes "yeah" and then i said "so what you’re not going to talk to me for a few days?" "something like that" "more than a few days?" "yeah."
UGH.
I hate fighting with him. The thing is, they need to take ownership for their actions. It shouldn’t matter whether you get "caught every time" or not. It’s your integrity. If you feel that you are adult enough to make certain decisions then deal with the consequences.
I guess its just, if you were willing to deal with whatever consequences came your way in that moment but you’re not really willing to face it now then you were lying to yourself.
 
i just, i don’t know. I know some people are going to think "well dang Amy, get the stick out of your butt, you could have kept that a secret at least just the first time."
But no, honestly i couldn’t. I don’t like secrets. I don’t believe in secrets. Now if it was a student….idk I’d have to do some more reading on that.
I guess what i want them to learn, and in turn what i would want my own children and students to learn is this:
It doesn’t matter whether you get caught or not. Any choice you make you need to take ownership of that choice. You need to be willing to admit it was a mistake and live with whatever consequences come your way. I think that if we DONT lovingly reprimand children then they will get a rude awakening when they enter the real world—there are not always second chances.
It doesn’t make it suck any less.
I dont like being ‘on the outs" with my brother, especially since he is leaving for college this weekend. I know i need to give him some space….but i just. ugh.
 
And then there is my cousins parents. I just pray that they respond the right way. I DO feel bad for him b/c they do keep him on such a short leash and I know that he is truly sorry. Their reaction is going to tell him whether or not he can ever be honest with them. Does that make sense? But i don’t want to say anything to them about it before hand, what can you do you know?
. . . .
So there it is, my thoughts, my heart.
I don’t like being the “bad guy”, I don’t like being “not liked’.
My personality is not made for that…but I know this was the right thing to do, even if it sucks. I just don’t want something like this to affect my brother and myself and our relationship. I understand his frustration, his anger, his whatever but unfortunately he made a wrong choice and I can’t protect him for it. Yes some people are going to be very upset and disappointed in him, but these are things he’s got to learn.
 
 

So what about you, what choices do you still stand by? What choices do you regret? How have your choices transformed you into the person you are today? Leave a comment letting me know.