Cheater.

<—————-Pictures of the new couch that’a’way.

I will never understand cheating.
I’m not talking you’re in 9th grade and you cheat on your boyfriend. Not that the situation is “not important” but really…you shouldn’t be dating then anyways.
THAT is a whole other entry in itself. J
…back to my thought.
Let me start off by saying that I cheated. I did. In 9th grade when I shouldn’t have been dating ANYONE I was dating Joseph. I cheated on him with my best friend LJ. I was very young: 13-14, I had just lost my father, I was starving for male attention and I honestly was going through the strongest rebellion of my life; it still doesn’t excuse my actions. I wont say “it doesn’t count” because that wouldn’t be fair. It does count because I not only hurt someone else’s feelings but I hurt my own. Please take into account my age. J
…
Ok now that I am a solid 10 years older from when that happened. I do not believe in cheating. I do not understand it. It is probably one of the most selfish acts a person can do. Most people I do not think fully grasp how much their decisions affect other people.

If you’ve been reading my journal for a while you know that about 7 months ago my church fell apart because of an affair. One that ended up affecting the people and the church so badly that we closed our doors a little over a month ago. This man was a friend, a boss, a mentor and someone I respected. The woman was my mentor and had been for the last 5 years. I cannot explain the hurt that went on inside of me after I found out what all happened. With ALL of that being said, it has gotten my mind moving.
 
Cheating…
I read a story on facebook the other day that had me balling my eyes out at the end, I will share it so that I won’t be alone in my tears haha:
Married or not… you should read this.
Marriage.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

 
Ok now that you’ve cried, and if you haven’t HOW DID YOU NOT?! J
 
I started thinking last night as I was brushing my teeth how much BS it is that men (or women, but mostly men) will say: “I got bored”, “The spark left”, “we got so used to each other” “there wasn’t any intimacy” bla bla bla.
The truth is you backed out of your commitment and refused to make the right choice.
I don’t care if you are just dating, married, have been married 15+ years, you decided to back out.
Why? Why is it ok for you to back out? Why is it ok for you to cheat?
NO it doesn’t have to be your “masculine nature” or even your human nature.
It breaks my heart.
 
Each relationship that I have been a part of (3), I have been cheated on. Maybe you’re thinking that I keep going back to the wrong bucket and picking out the same attributes and that is why I keep getting the same results. False. Each of these men were different, had different personalities, characteristics, and looks. I don’t know why they cheated on me, I don’t know why I “wasn’t good enough” or why I could have quite possibly “bored them”. I mean I’m pretty awesome. J haha. (Sarcasm people.)
The last two relationships I was in were long distance, and NO that shouldn’t be a factor. If I am able to not cheat, so can you; it is called commitment and will power, go get some.
 
I signed onto my computer today at work and opened up the Internet to my homepage (MSN) and there was an article:
“What he’s thinking after he cheats”
Here it is for your enjoyment:
http://glo.msn.com/relationships/what-hes-thinking-after-he-cheats-7515.gallery?gt1=49006
Gag me.
Most of these men said “yeah I shouldn’t have behaved that way and should have ended the relationship before it got to that point.” So why didn’t you? And these relationships/cheating events took place within marriages, within dating, and after teenage years and well into the “man I really do know right from wrong and this is most definitely wrong” years.
I was disgusted reading some of their responses. There was a lot of indifference, a lot of “oh well, sh*t happens” and so much more adolescent behavior.
Grow a set.
Own up to your actions.
Don’t repeat them.
Cheating hurts. It hurts to be cheated on and it hurts even more to try to repair those walls that have now been damaged. I don’t want to go off on a whole “I hate men, you suck” tangent because like I said earlier, women cheat as well.
I just wish people would understand their actions and change them.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A CHEATER.
You don’t have to follow that cycle or that “well it happens” attitude.
 
If people can’t begin to get a handle on their desires we’re in for a really messed up future.